The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever (despite only adding one post during the whole year).

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 9,800 times in 2010. That’s about 24 full 747s.

In 2010, there was 1 new post, growing the total archive of this blog to 367 posts.

The busiest day of the year was June 30th with 192 views. The most popular post that day was Epic Journey: Day 2 – Yosemite, King’s Canyon, Sequoia, Red Rock Valley.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were julieolsen.com, yandex.ru, ifreestores.com, facebook.com, and google.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for epic journeys and random encounters, emerald pools zion, zion canyon, pictured rocks national lakeshore, and pictured rocks backpacking.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

Epic Journey: Day 2 – Yosemite, King’s Canyon, Sequoia, Red Rock Valley March 2007
1 comment

Epic Journey: Day 15 – Idaho, Oregon, Olympia April 2007
2 comments

Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore Backpacking Trip of August 2007 August 2007

Guatemala – Las Marias on the Rio Cahabón November 2007
2 comments

Desolation Sound Sailing – Summer 2007 August 2007
1 comment

Stop signs are a response to motor vehicles.

1. Distracted driving (talking on the phone with or without a hands free device, texting, emailing, etc.) has been proven responsible for tens of thousands of deaths and countless (someone has probably counted) injuries.
2. Prohibitive legislation is a good thing, but not a solution. Drivers still speed, fail to wear seatbelts and refuse to use a turn signal. Drivers will not stop using mobile devices while driving.
3. People drive a whole lot.
4. Driving is exceptionally boring…most of the time.
5. When bored, people welcome and/or seek out distractions.

Fact #3 leads us to the solution. Reducing the amount of driving people do will inarguably reduce the amount of distracted driving people do.

But we all still need to get places. So if we can’t cut back on the mileage, how about taking the driver out of the picture. No one is throwing a fit about distracted passengering.

Technologically, an automated automobile is not the least bit far-fetched. In fact, they already exist and can handle terrain far more complicated than a highway. With significant, but not unreasonable, investment, our roadways could be converted to virtual tracks which would make vehicle automation a breeze.

The results of such a revolution are so profound that its nearly unfathomable that this isn’t already in the works:

• No longer responsible for driving, distracted driving would be a non-issue. Passengers can text, email, browse the web, watch movies, play games or even…
• Eat and sleep! Taking a trip half way across the country? Pack a breakfast and hit the road after dinner. Watch a movie and pass out for the night. Wake up, watch the sunrise, eat breakfast and you’re there! No falling asleep at the wheel. No aches and pains from 15 hours of sitting in the driver’s seat.
• Had a few too many drinks? So what?
• Massive decrease in shipping costs with a simultaneous increase in shipping speeds. No need to pay a driver to sit on his butt all day and no need for the driverless truck to stop for sleep.
• No need for traffic police.
• No more user-error accidents, meaning probably at least a 99% decrease in all accidents.
• Higher speeds on open roads.
• No congestion resulting from accidents or people sucking at merging.
• City traffic could move far faster as cars could travel more tightly packed and start and stop simultaneously, rather than the current one after another routine.
• More money will be invested in creating a richer riding experience (comfy seats/beds, refrigerator, nice surround sound) and less will be spent on silly aesthetics (giant spoilers, ground effects, incorrectly colored tail lights).
• Construction zones/lanes could be closed off virtually (no more hours spent putting out cones) and closed only when the area is literally under construction.
• Driverless taxis would be cheap and would probably quickly become the staple of those not wanting to own their own car. And you wouldn’t have to tip. 
• With no need for a driver’s license, no one would ever have to wait in line at the DMV. And on that note, those previously unable to drive on their own — particularly disabled persons and children — would be liberated from that dependence on others.

I could go on and on and on…

Who’s with me?

UPDATE: Google read my blog: http://vimeo.com/15697634

Time to go buy house stuff.

So I looked it up online this morning and skipped right ahead to the Portland segment where much to my surprise, I saw myself riding my new 36″ unicycle through downtown. Super fun.

Watch Online (I’m just a minute or so into the segment on Portland)

As of Monday I’m officially tapering (riding my bike to work) so all that’s left to do is wake up really early on Saturday, jump on my uni and turn the pedals 57,733 times.

and one of these:

plus some $$,

for this:

Good deal if you ask me.

If you need to find Anna or I next week, this might help a bit. If you’re still looking for us two weeks from now, this will probably help a lot.

(Click image for full size)

High speed car chases along mountainous cliffs featuring fancy BMW’s and lots of guns are pretty exciting for most of us. I can’t even remember the last time I fired a weapon from a moving vehicle, let alone a sub-machine gun from a sports car. So when a director decides to include such a scene, I can understand why. What I can’t understand is what might compel that director to present that scene in a series of rapid clips, each lasting no longer than two seconds and most spanning only a small fraction of one second. That’s supposed to be reserved for trailers as they have only two minutes to sell the movie.

Our brains are not wired for connecting events across angle changes because our heads don’t move like that; especially not at that pace. If one split-second shot shows Bond driving really fast and the next tenth of a second shows a car crash, I might legitimately assume that Bond had just crashed. But when the next three angles, spanning all of one second, show Bond still driving, a car flipping off a ledge and someone getting shot, I’m left wondering what car crashed two seconds ago. 

That was pretty much the high point of the film. The rest of it sucked in the way that season 7 of 24 is sucking. Office politics and legal difficulties are not action.

I guess it is good to know that should I ever need to shed some extra weight, there’s no need for diet or exercise. Rather, I simply have to follow three easy steps.

This guy spent three months creating it. I spent 30 seconds solving it. 

Well to be fair, I spent about a minute inputting it to this program I wrote to solve it for me. The program solved it in about 30 seconds.

Went out for another ride this morning on Mt. Tabor. There are a lot of people who see me and others mountain unicycling and react as if we’re borderline suicidal. Having gotten back into mountain biking, I have to say that its way scarier and potentially far more dangerous, especially on a cross bike. Super fun though.

My wheel can now cease rotation at an instant. Unfortunately, my momentum will still be adhering to our universe’s inherent physics.

With all that in mind, I’m taking on the longest leg of the American Lung Association’s (ALA) Reach the Beach ride. In about three months I will be waking very early on a Saturday morning and setting out to achieve this personal best. With a maximum speed of ~15 mph but an average sustainable speed below 10 mph, the 100 mile ride from Portland to the coast will last an anxiety-inducing 11+ hours — which will be just fast enough to finish before the course is closed. But unlike many of the challenges I put upon myself, this one actually provides an answer to the inevitable, “Why?”. This ride raises funds for the ALA which fights lung disease through education, community service, advocacy and research. 

I’m putting up some cash as well as days of assured pain. But I can’t do the ride if I don’t raise a bit more money. If you have a couple minutes and a few bucks to spare, check out my donation page which makes contributing a snap. 

If you choose to donate $10 or more, I’ll tell all my friends how great you are.

Thanks!

-Jack

Most know that I’m a huge proponent of the one-wheeled movement. But after a night of flying through forest park amidst a dusty snowfall, never seeing more than the next 20 feet of the trail, I’m so glad I still have my mountain bike.

• Sea Lion Caves – Florence, OR
• Yosemite National Park – CA
• Death Valley National Park – CA
• Las Vegas, NV
• Grand Canyon National Park – AZ
• Florence, AZ – Winter home of Anna’s grandparents
• San Francisco, CA

Though my third visit to Vegas, this was the first when I took the time to see the typical sights and do a bit of gambling. After about twenty minutes at a penny slot (I don’t have what it takes to risk big money), a single bet of $2.40 won me nearly as much as we all spent on the entire trip combined. Certainly a highlight of the trip.

I took tons of photos and have uploaded many of them. Instead of trying to stick them all in here, just check out my flickr set by clicking the photo below.

When it comes to breakfast, upgrading from an old fry pan to this griddle is like connecting a second monitor to a computer. There is just so much space to work with…and everything glides effortlessly from one side to the other.

Gratuitous breakfast photos:

He’s not alone. There are two other neighbors just on our block putting on chains right now. Its one inch! I took my driver’s license test in about a foot of fresh powder.

On the other hand, minor accidents have already managed to shut down a lot of the interstates and highways in the area. I don’t get it. People are obviously aware that snow is slippery because they put chains on. But at the same time, no one considers the option of slowing down a bit or generally exercising a little extra caution.

A friend from WI has moved to Portland and is living with us until she can get settled into a job and place of her own.

I received a number of prizes having taken 1st place in the unicycle division of the Cross Crusade cyclocross series. Among my prizes was a brand new unicycle with a monstrous 4¼” tire. I also achieved the honor/disgrace of being ranked as the nation’s top sandbagger on CrossResults.com having placed 1st in every race while not having the option of upgrading to a more difficult division.

Cyclocross Magazine contacted me for an interview which will be included in their next issue.

A pleasant night spent camping outside of REI proved well worth the time as I acquired a number of bike upgrades, a jacket for myself, a rain jacket for our new roommate and awesome cycling shoes for Anna (of which I’m very jealous because they did not have them in my size). All for about $50.

We went to Washington D.C. for Thanksgiving. Lots of good friends, food, museums, etc. I’ll try to put up some pictures eventually.

Some other stuff probably happened but I’m bored of this for now. More to come.

Cuz thats what hes gonna do. Get ‘er done. Dale Earnhardt is the greatest athlete ever…except for our savior, Jesus Christ.

So here’s my latest:

Take a few philosophy courses and sooner or later you’ll reach the discussion of good vs. evil; more specifically, a discussion of how these polarizing categories are defined. If you subscribe to any of the major religions du jour, you might believe that these definitions are handed down from above. But when it comes to practical applications, such morality has little influence on modern systems of justice. In fact, the relationship is quite the inverse.

With all that is known of our universe, there is nothing to suggest that certain human activities are naturally right or wrong. But in the era of civilization, a society without law does not persist. A simple example is theft. Most (if not all) civilizations have reached the conclusion that failure to discourage this act is detrimental to the whole. And so, punishments are enacted.

Looking specifically at our own system, a common repercussion of lesser crimes is for the guilty party to offset the burden they’ve put on society with a financial contribution to public funds (a fine). This makes a lot of sense. Since it is impossible to prevent a majority of crimes, we instead lay down policy in which everyone is free to do what they want, knowing that actions which are deemed harmful to society come with costs/consequences.

Tobacco is a great example. We don’t refer to it as criminalized but rather strongly regulated. But really, the difference is only in how we all look upon the perpetrators. We put an enormous tax on tobacco, which aids in dealing with the even larger burden that is the health consequences of tobacco. Interestingly, this is actually a more effective system than criminalization because people get away with plenty of crimes, but it’s relatively rare that someone manages to buy tobacco without paying the tax. This point carries strongly into the legalization of marijuana debate but I’m not going down that road today.

Where am I going with all of this? Fast food, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, etc.

Tobacco has been shoved to the back burner of public interest as obesity is sky rocketing. The societal effects of the two are parallel in that the habits of some inflate health care costs for all. So why is it that we treat the issues so differently? Simply because the issue hasn’t been prevalent long enough for the masses to conclude that the damage to the whole outweighs the value of our constitutional rights as individuals. But it clearly does.

What’s my simple idea? Tax unhealthy restaurant food. There is plenty of available knowledge regarding nutrition to provide objective categorization of menu items that are sufficiently unhealthy to warrant a tax.

Consequences of this tax:

• Customers will choose healthier menu items because they will cost less.
• Restaurants will need to improve the nutrition of their foods because the untaxed items will sell better.
• The choice to eat unhealthy items will still be available but will come with an added cost which is used to offset the health care costs of that choice.
• The added tax will only be applied to those who are directly involved — either as customers or providers – in the aspects of the industry which are deemed harmful.

Who will oppose this most? The restaurant owners. They will reasonably claim that their industry is being over regulated and their liberties are being denied. But as I laid out above, this is how we, and most other societies, have been operating for millennia. It is unfortunate that an industry must suffer but that industry is doing a disservice to us all.

This plan is a sort of top-down solution. Next I’ll present the details of a bottom-up approach which places greater responsibility on the individual and could work well alone or in tandem with this top-down plan. Check back later.

Fortunately the last third of the race became significantly more technical, mostly due to deep, slick mud, and I was able to pull away and add another victory to my record. 

Lately my body has been very cooperative during feats of endurance but today was an exception. It would seem that my post-marathon laziness has allowed my muscles to atrophy and as a result, the ride was incredibly more difficult than expected. My back ached, my legs whined and my spirits dwindled. 

However, we still managed a very respectable pace, completing the 100 km in 5 hours 42 minutes; ahead of a number of bicyclists.

The ride’s namesake comes from the Verboort Sausage Festival that marks the finish line where hundreds of rural Oregonian’s gather to consume highly overpriced, traditional sausage dinners as part of a fund raiser for some church. The sausage was surprisingly refreshing and provided much needed calories for the extra 3 miles back to the car.

Though only a few miles outside of the city, this glimpse into the culture of the surrounding towns was a big reminder of Portland’s bubble of isolation. Dialect, manner of dress and even walking style were all distinctively un-Portland. And for every child who was understandably enthralled by our enormous unicycles, there were five or six adults who honestly appeared offended by our choice to do something beyond the norm.

I always find it interesting that nothing more than my presence can actually have a negative impact on someone’s day. On the upside, in a less close-minded environment, a unicycle ride can be extremely uplifting as it draws smiles and laughter from a majority of on-lookers.

There are a whole lot of photo galleries from these races so to ensure that people pay attention to me as much as is possible, I’m hunting down specific photos for you. Here are the links:

pdxcross.com – You’ll have to navigate to photo #12 to see me doing a bit of pre-race trials. So far they only have the slidehow for Saturday’s race up. I’ll update when Sunday’s is posted.

Froggie – Sunday’s race start - This was Sunday’s Halloween race so in the following images you can sort of make out the continual deterioration of my costume (I went as a bicyclist) which was made from bamboo and did not fare well off jumps or over hurdles.

OregonVelo.com – 1 2 3 <-This last one was a great jump but upon landing, my costume found its way into my spokes and was shredded. I did manage to rip the tangled mess off without dismounting, casting it aside amidst plenty of cheers from the crowd.

PJ Bentson - Another Good Jump

I added some of my own photos to my CrossCrusade set on Flickr.

Just a few months ago I had to switch from Group Health because after living in Oregon for six+ months (having changed my address on file with Group Health right when we moved) I was informed that they don’t provide any coverage here. I picked up Kaiser Permanente for a short time but it turned out they were evil. Their evilness even managed to get worse before I was able to cancel which could only be accomplished by MAILING A LETTER?!

So now I’m on to Regence Blue Cross Blue Shield (seriously, a blue cross and a blue shield?) who offers a lower rate, better customer service and communications systems that aren’t pre-Internet.

But, having received a tip from sister Jennie, I may be moving right along to Life Wise Health Plan of Oregon — but have yet to really look into it. After only a glance, their benefits-premium ratios look relatively great.

Then there is that big blue metal thing sitting out front. Granted, I’ve put a few more miles on in the last couple months (maybe 50/week) with trips to and from marathon(s) and CycloCross races, but on top of the high cost of gas — though I’m sure we’ve all noticed the recent price drop; which of course means that there really isn’t an oil problem and we should all vote republican — Geico has been charging me about $3/day.

Well not anymore. Getting sucked in by Progressive’s “Pay as You Drive” advertisement — which as it turns out is not a mileage based plan and would be more accurately entitled “Pay for How You Drive” — I found that I can and will save nearly $1/day through them. And if it turns out that I am eligible for the Pay as You Drive program, they’ll have me plug a recording device into my car that should eventually lead to a further reduction of my premium.

At the moment, I’m not particularly angry with my insurance situation. Alright!

This much longer, but technically less difficult, course was too much fun. Despite being almost twice as long as last week’s race, I still managed to not get lapped by the bikers — meaning that I ran the loop at least half as fast as the fastest biker.

Present at this race was the recently assembled Surly Conundrum unicycle; an extra wide frame providing room for the 4″ Large Marge tire. With it’s giant footprint and super low pressure, stunts like those seen below were inevitable. I’m the unfortunate one in red who took the brunt of this failed attempt (photo by Shawn McBride).

There are some very capable photographers on site for these races so instead of including my mediocre shots, here are some links. Definitely click on them:

Photos by Pat Bentson

PDXCross.com - Be sure to check out images 1,3 and 4 (navigate using the the arrows at the lower left corner of the image)

A few photos…

Cross-specific unicycle frame. Made by Jon Seiber of Cascadia Bicycles and generously donated to the Unicycle Bastards.

Wooden bike frame by Renovo Bicycle. They are as expensive as you might expect.

Carbon fiber saddle – just one extremely pricey component of this fully equipped road bike that weighed 12 lbs. When your two water bottle cages cost over $100 and save 20 grams of weight, you’ve gone too far.

Despite appearances, this monster of a mountain bike by Jeff Jones is incredibly light weight, having all suspension refactored into the frame design. This was just one of the many I wanted to take for a test-spin…and never return.

Wooden wheels by Wheel Fanatyk. I saw it, but I’ll believe it when I ride it.

Among the many highlights of the event was the free valet parking for bikes (and unicycles), nicely complimented by a complete lack of nearby vehicle parking.

And that’s pretty much what I did. Much of the course was brutally technical; far more so than I had anticipated. As is apparently my standard modus operandi, I went out hard from the very start. After only a couple minutes I found myself gasping for air. But with 1000+ cyclists cheering me on all the way through, breathing (or not breathing) is of little consequence. In what was probably less than ten minutes, I rolled across the finish, taking the gold for the Unicycle category, and turned to see who was chasing me in for 2nd and 3rd places. And I waited. Then I waited a little longer.

Maybe 90 seconds after my finish, MJ and Monty came rolling around the final bend for a photo finish as MJ — leading around the bend — was unaware of Monty’s proximity and had decided to relax for the home stretch. In a length of about 50 meters, Monty managed to consume the ~15 meter gap, snatching the silver by less than a pedal stroke. Celebration, devastation and all around excitement were abound.

CrossCrusade is a series with racers obtaining points for each race. Results are updated after each race so if you’d like to follow along:

CrossCrusade results page – Unicycle category isn’t listed in the header of each set but the results should be there.

CrossResults.com – This page should become more interesting as more races are added.

Race Locations on GoogleMaps

Update: Photos (look for myself and other unicyclists starting at image #208)

Fifty years ago this might be an understandable circumstance for a service that had to keep track of 300 million ‘customers’. For each individual, a record must be kept containing the following:

• SSN
• Name, date of birth (not really necessary as we are each uniquely identified by our SSN but not a bad idea either)
• Current address
• Flags that indicate eligibility to vote (convicted felon and the like)
• Probably a few other things

For a specific election, another data set can relate your SSN to a flag indicating whether you’ve voted or not. And a simple little dataset can keep a tally of how many votes each candidate has received.

In respect to most physical things, 300 million is a big number. In a database, its not. The data set described above would probably fall somewhere within 50-100 GB (yeah, like on an iPod).

Setup a few redundant servers around the country to store this database – with standard security measures – and updates to the information could be instantaneous (by human perception).

Humans and paper forms are agonizingly slow, expensive and extremely prone to error (search any news site for ‘voter registration purges’). Computers are fast, cheap and precise. How is it that a fundamental system in our country’s democracy has been technologically surpassed by the likes of HotOrNot.com?

For a cool graphical break down of my (and others’) results, check out this site: Portland Marathon RunPix Results (bib # 5979). 

Key stats from these results: I finished in…

• 3 hours and 36 seconds (average mile pace: 6:54); 11 minutes and 13 seconds ahead of my previous marathon time (-26 seconds/mile).
• 99th place overall out of 7390 runners (approx. top 1%)
• 91st place out of all males (top 3%)
• 23rd place in my age division (25-29) (top 5%)

For the raw results goto the Portland Marathon site (results page is down right now but will probably be up soon).

When did walking and biking become sacrifices? And in response to the narrator’s question, though there are plenty of people who do effectively use dog sleds, I can think of at least ten good reasons to not adapt them as a standard means of transportation.

Maybe we should abandon all the ‘wacky’ personal sacrifices already required by law. Why not just throw trash on the ground whenever and where ever? And for that matter, sometimes it can really be a pain to seek out a public restroom; especially considering that we’re all fully capable of simply squatting right on the sidewalk.

We snagged a few wanted, but not particularly exciting, items:

• Air matress – with built in foot pump so no batteries/outlet needed.
• Compact camping stove (big car camping kind, not backpacking)
• Socks
• Spare cycling cleats
• Klean Kanteen bottle
• Camp pillow

All practical stuff. The highlight of the event however, came around 8:30 am — 30 minutes before the sale opened. At this time, an REI “Outdoors Specialist” comes through the line giving numbered tickets to the first 50 people to ensure that those who have waited the longest get in first. At least half of this first group had camped and the rest were here well before 5 am. Just before we get our tickets, a middle-aged woman eases her way into the line with her two ~10 year old children. As a result, they each received a ticket. Everyone else exchanges glances of frustration and disgust. A sharp ear could catch whispers of, “It was a long night for some of us” and “Well aren’t we the stupid ones; camping all night when we could have just shown up now.” All comments were of course kept relatively private as fear of confrontation has become extremely pervasive in our culture.

Getting back to why this was the highlight of the event. Knowing it would bother me all day if I didn’t do anything, I politely turned to the woman and asked where she had camped, implying that if she was in line right behind us we obviously would have seen her earlier. She ruined any chance of me letting her off the hook when she replied, “Oh…we actually just got here…and I saw this big gap in the line…so I figured it was ok…to…”. Precisely the sort of response I was hoping for. I proceeded to call her out on her attempt to cloak herself in innocene and described how any ethical individual would proceed to the end of the line, knowing damn well that that is their rightful place.

She attempted to recover briefly, explaining how she already has tickets and wouldn’t know what to do with them if she got out of line. Again, this was an obvious display of feigning ignorance. I explained the obvious solution and she conceeded.

I’m going to revise my earlier statement. The highlight of the event was walking out of the sale around 9:30 and catching the eye of the same woman who was still at the back of the line and would probably remain there for the next two hours.

I blame big corporations and the current U.S. administration.

1. A trendy and lame euphemism for being lazy and overly frugal in the act of vacationing.
2. A prime example of the continued bastardization of the English language.
3. A super fun event when joined by friends from out of town.

This past week, friends Steve and Kristen spent two+ days in Portland in the midst of an out-n-back cross-country road trip. As a result of their visit, numerous novel experiences were enjoyed:

• Organizing a Portland-By-Bike tour
• Spectating at the infamous Burnside Skatepark
• Consuming at Voodoo Doughnuts
• Truly enjoying the Rose Garden which is apparently at peak season right now
• Viewing the unbelievable human & swift gatherings at Chapman High School
• Hiking the spectacular Siouxson Creek Trail

So if you haven’t been to Portland in a while, or just feel the need to hang out with me, you should come give me more good reasons to take days off of work.

Click the image below to see some photos from Steve and Kristen’s time here.

Today I find out that I should have been (but was not) previously notified that the plan I was on is being discontinued and I was automatically moved to a different plan. Along with this my premium will be increasing by 35%! Are you kidding me!?

Apparently they no longer offer any plans without a prescription package, which I didn’t have/want/need. Furthermore, if I “simply take on a higher deductible” of $7500 (almost double the previous) my premium will only go up by about 15%.

I am a fit, young adult with no health problems who doesn’t smoke, rarely drinks, rarely drives and who exercises more than probably 95% of the population. Catastrophic health insurance should not cost me $100+/month!

Oh! And their website is horrendous. It lacks every service that it should have; most notably the ability to pay bills online. I alone, developed an online bill pay system at work in a couple weeks at which time I had six months of experience in web development. 

This is so absurd.

So once again it comes back to the obvious cause and effect that even a toddler should intuitively understand: if you put more in than you take out, you are left with a surplus.

Start exercising or start paying your share of my health insurance.

Tasty.

I have to assume the name came about when it was decided that FiveToes just doesn’t roll off the tongue. 

Although there is going to be a significant period of adaptation, the sensation is wonderful; somewhere between running barefoot and walking around in slippers. I may never again have to choose between horrific blisters from hiking/running shoes and injured feet from no shoes at all.

So what’s in it for me (for worse or better). Cons and pros:

Con: Ten hours is a long time to work.

Pro: Three day weekend. Sleeping about seven hours each night, that would mean 63 hours of waking time uninterrupted by work.

Con: None of my acquaintances have three day weekends.

Pro: I’ve always felt the five:two ratio is no way to live life.

Con: I don’t go ten hours without eating at least twice. I would need to start packing lunch and second-lunch (formerly after-school-snack).

Pro: Certain things are hard to get done on a weekend when public offices and a number of other businesses are closed. I’ve also come to abhor malls and other large shopping destinations due to a slight case of enochlophobia/ephebiphobia and yet there are occasions for which I need to buy things. Doing so on a Friday morning might be more tolerable.

Con: The longer day is likely to leave me less motivated/energized for evening activities.

Pro: Perceived time at work correlates directly with productivity (for me at least). Given the choice between ten agonizingly long hours and ten high-paced hours, I may find myself more motivated.

Con: There will still be those ten agonizingly long hours on occasion.

Pro: I could nearly pay a month’s rent with one day’s work (not a valid argument but kind of neat).

Pro: If I acquire a house in the near future, Fridays would offer a good opportunity to perform inevitable maintenance/enhancement tasks without cutting into the more socially inclined portion of the weekend.

Pro: Get to try something new.

Looks like I’m siding with the pros. If you can think of any implications I’m overlooking or have experience with the four day work week, please comment.

Despite 4 of the miles being on trail, I topped my previous half marathon pace (from the one other time I’ve run that distance) yet came no where close to my full marathon pace from last year.

I have one week to decide whether or not to take on the Portland Marathon, and then one month to train. With sights set above and beyond, I probably should do it.

First sight of the lake is always breathtaking.

The rim road is approximately 33 miles around, a distance we’ve surpassed on numerous rides. However, few stretches of road offer such continuous and significant elevation change as can be seen in this elevation map (at the very bottom of the page). Still sporting my single-speed (great challenge for this ride but I wouldn’t recommend it) I was quite proud to have made it up every climb, some of them spanning five miles. And on the flip-side, we were rewarded with the longest and fastest descents we’ve ever experienced; often passing 40 mph powered by gravity alone (since my bike can only be pedaled up to about 25). One fallback of these exhilarating stretches was the swarms of recently hatched butterflies that clouded the skies. At 40 mph, a butterfly to the face feels like getting shot with a BB-gun (I’m guessing) and leaves an entirely unpleasant gooey, yellow smear. The bugs were so thick that when the occasional car passed, the machine-gun rattle of continuous impacts nearly drowned out the normal sound of the engine and tires.

The road frequently drops away from the rim and upon every return, we were certain the lake had become more blue. The photo below — though fairly uninteresting — demonstrates this well as it gives the illusion of looking at the sky rather than the water.

Though we had originally intended to take our time with this ride, the miles seemed to fly by. In no time at all we found ourselves passing the half way point, anxious to press on.

Our pace stayed strong and after an especially long climb, we hit the final descent back to the car. Goal #1 – complete.

Per recommendation from a classmate of Anna’s, our next destination was the Newberry National Volcanic Monument just South of Bend. As it was already early evening, at the visitor center we asked to be put on a loop hitting as many must-see attractions as possible. First stop was the Big Obsidian Flow, an other-wordly (but not very photogenic), mile-long, 100+ foot deep landscape of obsidian and other volcanic rock.

Next we sought out a tiny hot-spring fed pool on the very edge of Paulina Lake to soak our sure-to-be-sore muscles. However, as the air temperature had risen into the 90s, the similarly hot water was only slightly relaxing.

Returning to the car we drove up to Paulina Peak to take in the view as the sun set beyond the Three Sisters, with Mts. Bachelor, Broken Top, Jefferson and Hood also in view.

Some time later we reached Soda Creek Campground and managed to take down some camp food — fresh salad, grilled salmon and steak, wine, chocolate — before passing out after a very long day.

Although setting up camp in the dark can be annoying, sometimes waking up to unexpected scenery — such as South Sister basking in the sunrise beyond a grassy meadow – is well worth it.

Right about here is when the well-planned portion of our weekend ended. As a result, we spent a majority of the morning seeking out a ranger station for the Three Sisters Wilderness only to find that its closed on weekends…yeah, I think that’s ridiculous too. So rather than some epic mountain summit, we found ourselves hiking for a few hours on the Tam McCarthur Rim Trail overlooking Three Creeks Lake, Broken Top and the Three Sisters.

After a refreshing/freezing dip in Three Creeks Lake we got onto a forest road marked as “Not Maintained for Passenger Vehicles” that would cut out about fifty miles of driving en route to our next camp. About ten miles and two hours later we were reconsidering our shortcut. Navigating stray boulders, straddling deep trenches and splashing through rivers was fun for a while but eventually grew very tiresome and stressful. Further dismaying was the discovery that in all the bouncing around, one pedal on my bike – which was mounted on a rack behind the car — relocated itself and had apparently been scraping against my trunk for some time.

Eventually we made it back out to the highway and found our way to Devil’s Lake Campground, the base camp of choice for those looking to summit South Sister…which is exactly what we intended to do. If you’re ever in this area, I strongly recommend this free campground but bring lots of bug repellent as the mosquitoes are terrible.

After an intense, dry lightning storm during the night, we rose early the next morning as a few hikers had told us that the trip to the summit was about six hours at a strong pace and we didn’t want to be climbing as the temperature peaked in the afternoon. The first stretch was a steep climb through thick forest right at the mosquitoes feeding time. Not especially fun. But it was not long before we came upon a flatter moraine area with open views of the summit ahead.

Starting in on the true climb to the summit, the trail became loose and extremely dusty but our ascent was steady and we soon decided that the six hour estimate we’d received was far from accurate. As we climbed past turquoise glaciel pools, the vistas grew more and more impressive, hindered somewhat by haze as a result of the many fires in northern California. We also spotted smoke from a fire no more than five miles away and after speaking with some climbers who spent the night at the summit, confirmed that it had been started by the previous night’s lightning.

After only 3.5 hours of hiking we reached the mountain’s crater where the trail splits to circle the rim.

Four hours from the trail head — almost to the second — we officially reached the highest point among the Sisters at 10,363 feet (10,366 for Anna).

Taking in the views and enjoying lunch, the sun soon grew too intense and we began our descent, breaking only once for a dip in Moraine Lake. The unplanned swim left me looking especially stylish, finishing the hike wearing only wet running shorts.

As you can see above, storm clouds began rolling in and we ended up spending much of the remaining day in the tent. In the spirit of car-camping not really being camping at all, we brought along a laptop and I was finally able to introduce Anna to Star Wars, She previously being the last remaining individual of our generation to have never seen any of the movies. She’ll hesitate to admit it, but she enjoyed it and is looking forward to the remaining five episodes.

The following morning we scrambled to clear camp during the first break in the rain and drove East to Bend. There we met Sarah — a classmate of Anna’s and resident of Bend — and her husband for an indulgent breakfast before Sarah took us on a relaxing 25 mile bike tour around Bend.

We intended to explore Smith Rock that afternoon as it fell along our route home, but by the time we arrived the weather had worsened and fatigue had set in. From the little we saw, it will definitely be a future destination.

I don’t generally like to be categorized or classified into common groupings…but if we find ourselves becoming Weekend Warriors, I suppose that’s alright.

As the picture above alludes, a fair share of the many thousand participants are not regular distance riders. Thankfully, my bastardly riding companions had past experience with the immense traffic jam that is hordes of unfit people trying to climb grades not designed with human-power in mind. So instead of doing the full 37, which would definitely be classified as a distance ride on our 29″ unicycles, we jumped in half way and only rode the two highest and most scenic bridges.

After a couple failed attempts to locate someone who could push the shutter button on my camera, we got a decent group shot overlooking downtown from the Fremont bridge, nearly 200′ above the Willamette. (LtoR: Max, me, Mats, Doper).

Many miles down the course, we reached the steep ascent to the St. John’s bridge in far North Portland. Keeping my uni in the only gear it has, I managed to pass at least a hundred cyclists in less than ¼ mile, hopefully putting to rest any misconceptions regarding our association with circus clowns.

Other than that climb, the ride was pretty leisurely — especially considering the hour long break for brunch followed shortly thereafter by some backyard lounging with deliciously tart cosmopolitans courtesy of Doper — but it still reached a distance of 15 miles, which is a lot on a 29er. Adding the 5 miles of biking with uni-in-tow on each end made for a solid morning of riding.

At speeds surpassing 30 mph, I found my best hope for a good photo was putting the camera into multi-capture mode and just holding down the shutter. The resulting random focal-lengths made for a lot of photos with just one rider popping out of the image (see 2nd photo for example).

It may not be a coincidence that immediately after watching these races, I rode the few blocks up to REI to purchase some cleats for my recently acquired bike shoes.

But then there are the rare cases. Like that when you’re pushing for your top speed on a 36″ wheel. Trying not to let yourself be too distracted, you glance at the GPS on your wrist to see that your passing 18 mph and you think to yourself that you’ve probably exceeded the pace at which you could hope to hit the ground running. You decide to explain this thought to the riders on either side who are also striving to max out. But just as the words come out, the Bastard on your right — clad in little more than purple spandex and probably too many electronics — has suddenly abandoned his wheel as well as his vertical orientation and after more airtime than is typically experienced by unicyclists, slides twenty feet along the asphalt using only bare knees and elbows as cushions.

So went Zeke’s magnificent UPD at mile 37 of our 50 along the Springwater Corridor Trail. As an ultra-marathoner who is familiar with fighting through pain, he was unimpeded by his numerous wounds and within minutes we were back up and rolling. All things considered, the ride was everything I had hoped for. And, enjoying the glory that is my recently upgraded cycling shorts, exceeding my previous longest-distance by 19 miles has left me with nothing worse than tired legs. According to the GPS, I maxed out at 18.5 mph (right before the big dive) which I have to assume is also a personal best.

And so begins the training for STP 2009…

Our turn finally came and we were directed into the store’s storage rooms where we found a frenzy of shoppers, shoulder to shoulder, digging through racks and bins. Plenty of the remaining gear was hardly worthy of even the nearly-free prices (i.e. sleeping pads for $3…the returned-item tag stating: “numerous unpatchable leaks”). But searching further it turned out that there were still more than enough deals to be had…espcially in the footwear room. All in all we made out like bandits…without breaking any laws of course. I can only imagine what amazing items were available to those who camped out.

A brief rundown of the fruits of our shopping spree:

Item – Original Price – Price We Paid – “Reason customer returned item” OR other reason for discount

1. Bike Intertube – $4 – $1- No box
2. One Bike Glove – $14/pair – $2 – Missing other glove
3. One Bike Glove – $14/pair – $2 – Missing other glove!!
4. Ortlied Panier Bags – $160/pair – $30 – One bag is ripped
5. Hand Held Tire Pump – $29 – $10 – “Used once, took too long to pump up tire”
6. All Weather Bike Gloves – $45 – $18 – “Did not fit”
7. Cycing Shorts – $25 – $10 – “Too big”
8. Hiking Shoes – $80 – $8 – Ripped shoelace
9. Bike Shoes – $80 – $20 – “Could not get to work for feet”
10. Hiking Shoes – $75 – $6 – “Did not fit my feet”

All in all: $512 worth of gear for $107. And best of all, everything is something we were in the market for.

The REI just SE of town is having their sale tomorrow. May just have to bust out the tent.

Thankfully, Christopher Nolan brought redemption with Christian Bale in Batman Begins. If you don’t think Bale is great, watch American Psycho, Equilibrium, The Machinist, Rescue Dawn and The Prestige. And although I’ve not yet seen it, it sounds like Dark Knight lives up to and surpasses this newly raised bar.

If you’re a movie-buff you’ve probably already drawn the paralells. The original Terminator was an amazing film in which a killing machine went about trying to kill lots of people without any character or emotion (as any killing machine should). When I was eight years old, Judgement Day was released and due to it’s cutting-edge special effects, was about the coolest thing I had seen on the big screen. Having watched the movie again many years later I was disappointed to see that the terminator had taken on pointless qualities such as how to care and feel. Still, the movie was a pretty worthy iteration. Then comes Rise of the Machines. First of all, the new she-terminator is hot…which is stupid. Second, she wastes her time cleverly sneaking around and enlarging her breasts when she is a nearly-invincible weapon of mass destruction. Returning as the hero, Schwarzeneggar has not only softened in appearance but also has taken on further emotions and a terribly out-of-character tendency towards one-liners. The tragedy that is this movie (not the story but the actual movie) is brought to a fitting close when it’s pointed out that the people from the future already know that the past cannot be changed…and yet they still decide to keep sending people/things back to change the past.

Anyway…from the very brief teaser trailer, it looks as if Christian Bale may again serve as the face of salvation. Unfortunately we’ve got to wait almost a whole year.

One of these days I’ll have to rig up some lighting effects, maybe even a smoke machine.

It is fairly motivating knowing that in a city this big, I am the very best there is when it comes to trials. But, I value a great ride far more than any sense of pride my skills might provide. And while good riding can be achieved solo, great rides require companions as a source of perspective and challenge.

So if you ever come across a unicyclist riding trials, tell them to move to Portland.

Sidenote: If you’re wanting to become a parent in the near future, don’t goto the zoo. The kids are alright — for the most part — but the parents are miserable, and many redirect their self-loathing towards their children. I can’t understand why such people pay money to put themselves in those situations.

On to the photos…

Anyone else find it odd that zoo animals are often given very unnatural play things?

When we first came upon the Malayan Sun Bear (below) I was pleased to see an animal that isn’t a default inclusion in every zoo — likely because of its unsightliness. Such sentiments were quickly overwhelmed by a feeling of Wow, that thing is ugly!

Evolving alongside wild dogs, cheetahs, leopards, lions and jackals, its amazing that the gerenuk — a type of antelope — still exists today. Talk about vulnerable.

Of all that we saw, the weaver birds were easily the most impressive. For an animal with no hands, and feet whose dexterity is pretty much limited to the opened or closed positions, these birds demonstrated an amazing aptitude for tying intricate knots in order to form their nests.

The lorikeet on the other hand — drawing a much larger crowd — sure looks nice, but doesn’t seem to do much of anything.

A campaign is underway in Oregon, attempting to obtain ~85,000 signatures to get an initiative on a 2010 ballot. The Cannibus Act would allow industrial growth of hemp for use in food, clothing, plastics and fuel. Oh, and on a side note, marijuana would also be legal for sale to individuals over 21.

I find the last point, although semi-relevant, to be teetering on the edge of piggybacking. I suspect the reality however, is that legalizing marijuana is the real intent here and the rest of it is being used as a worthwhile mask of legitimacy.

From the little I’ve read, it sounds like hemp is a pretty usable material and it’s legalization could bring a lot of money into the state. The sole reason the plant can’t be grown is that it is a close relative of the marijuana plant, both falling under the genus of cannibus. So yeah, go ahead and legalize it; it never should have been made illegal in the first place. I suppose I can’t say for sure but I’m assuming that when prohibition was enacted, no one suggested a ban on all the various fruits, vegetables, grains, etc. used in producing various alcoholic beverages.

So marijuana is a whole different issue. But ya know, I’m still going to stick with the choice of legalizing it, though it should happen via it’s own initiative/act. Justifications:

• A significant portion, if not a majority, of my generation and the generations before and after mine use marijuana anyway.
• Everyone always says “buy local” and there are a lot of great reasons to do so. Legalizing growth of marijuana would make that possible.
• Illegal dealers are generally not forthcoming when it comes to taxes. Legal sales would take money away from the criminals and put it into the state.
• The war on drugs would cost less with one less drug to worry about.
• Although accidental deaths result from marijuana use, the numbers are minute when compared to the same resulting from alcohol consumption.
• There are no established short-term or long-term adverse health effects so it’s way healthier than smoking cigarettes or drinking (too much) which means it consumes fewer health care dollars.
• …and the rest of the arguments you’ve also heard before.

I’m not a tobacco user, and while I would prefer that cigarettes were not present in the world around me, the truth is that they are and people smoke them. Legal or not, they’re here to stay. Having accepted that, I’m all for keeping it legal and taxing it to death. On a side-note, I do think long term smokers should be ineligible as recipients of any sort of publicly funded health care, organ donations, etc. for treatment of related health problems. Addicts may be predisposed, but it’s still a conscious choice.

Edit: Excellent suggestion was offered up by Bok of the Unicycle Bastards: In order to aid in justifying this revoked privilege, tobacco companies should be required to fully finance all programs/products intended to help smokers quit. That would serve as a form of reparations that actually lives up to the definition.

Getting back to the point – just like cigarrettes, marijuana is not going away. So lets make the best of it.

Highs:

• At work I spent the last two weeks developing a whole new user interface for a client’s public website. On Thursday I find out that it was demo-ed to the client before I had a chance to perform any testing or other such QA. Despite that, the new site performed excellently and was well received. I’m a successful web-developer!
• Thursday night I packed up the bike trailer with lots of toys (unicycle, slackline, juggling gear) and my portable speaker — riding with headphones is fairly unappealing and I think it’s illegal, but riding with a sound system in the open air is great — and hauled everything up to NE, arriving well before the start of this week’s uni-polo game in order to do some juggling and slackling.
  • After not doing it for a good 8-9 months, slacklining was great and I was still pretty on top of my game; landing jumps, juggling on the line and sticking the highly gratuitous back-flip dismount.
  • I’ve also been a bit lax on my juggling practice lately but despite that, I was nailing continuous back-cross flashes (3 clubs)…something I had never done prior to this week.
  • Our number of regular attendees at polo has doubled in the past month and as the average skill level increases, so does the fun.
• Friday evening Anna and I rode down to Tigard — a stretch covering what has to be the hilliest 13 miles in the greater Portland area — to attend a 4th of July barbecue hosted by one of Anna’s classmates. The food, company and entertainment were all tremendous (I won the game of croquet and am attributing it to the weekly polo games). The city’s fireworks show was sad at best, but fireworks don’t really do it for me anymore so expectations were low. The night came to a thrilling end as an alternate route home had us climbing for 4-5 miles and descending for the remaining 8 — including a number of hills where gravity alone had us exceeding 40 mph speed limits.
• Saturday morning I woke up in need of a project. Five hours later I had converted our garage from a crowded and jumbled mess into a meticulously cleaned, organized and relatively vacant space. I didn’t buy anything or throw anything away but we now have a bike-workbench, an excess of bike/unicycle parking and perhaps room for a car if we ever wanted to put one in there. I don’t know why cleaning the garage is such a dreaded task for many. I enjoyed every minute and found it to be incredibly satisfying.
• Due to the rampant unicycle-enthusiasm sweeping the area, we had a huge turnout for a mountain ride up in Scappoose last night. Despite highly technical terrain and very little light, all of the first-timers did great and each had at least one moment where they rode some stretch of terrain that they never would have thought possible. The resulting massive grins were sure signs of new-found addiction.

Low:

Yesterday afternoon, seven neighbors witnessed a man pull an unsuccessful u-turn right outside our house, scuffing the corner of my car’s bumper with his. One neighbor spoke with the driver who said he would park his car while the neighbor came over to inform me. The driver then just took off. Given the very minor damage, I wasn’t too concerned, especially when I found out that the witnesses had all made sure to take down the license plate number. The Portland police quickly put a damper on things by informing me that the plates did not match the described vehicle. With complete disinterest, I was told that the plates were likely stolen (which apparently isn’t a crime worth pursuing either) and that the police would not be doing anything. After some encouragement on my part, the officer did agree to add the plates to a watch-list. Apparently that isn’t standard protocol. Perhaps I should take up auto-theft as a career.

So if you live in the area and you spot a mid-90′s teal minivan with license plate 508-BMW, give me a call.

With last night having been the first time I’ve driven since we purchased a bike trailer one month ago, I really should get around to selling the car.

And as such, it would seem that unicycling may be the next ridiculousness to obtain a cult following. As part of PedalPalooza, we Bastards hosted an instructional Unicycling for Noobs event with an amazing turn out.

Though a fair number of people struggled (as is to be expected with a first attempt at unicycling) a select few picked it up like sticks and got the unicycling itch. Since then, those few have acquired their own unis and begun attending our weekly polo matches. And despite polo’s demand for a technical ability far above that required to ride along mere sidewalks, these newbies are already holding their own.

Semi-related photo inclusion: As the sun was setting on our instructional event and I was attempting to capture the fountain seen below, some bicyclist rode right through my shot, vastly improving it.

It took awhile to get used to a puppeteer standing in plain sight right along side his puppet but after awhile it only added to the impressiveness of the performance, as each character’s movements and expressions were manifested by both the puppeteer and his puppet.

The story was relevant (especially for many demographics which I fit into) and well-told, the writing was clever (save for a totally out of place pop-culture reference to George Bush which unfortunately got the loudest applause of the night; don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan either…but there is a time and a place and this was not it), and it was fun to see puppets in a whole new light.

If this show comes to your town, get yourself a ticket. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Sidenote: When the show ended, the performers all hit the stage to accept their applause. After plenty of praise, they casually walked off stage…but without even a pause (I could see them stage-left) they all turned around and ran back out, encouraging/requiring yet more applause. As one can imagine, the now-tradition of this return-to-stage move has it origins in shows where the audience was so pleased that they refused to stop cheering. With such flattery, the performers would likely feel abliged to return to the stage to accept such high praise.

But now, the purpose has been lost and the cause-effect relationship reversed. It just comes across as silly and obligatory, much like encores at concerts. If you’re the kind of person who acts surprised when the band comes out for one last song, shame on you.

The three of us camped just a short ways into the foothills that night and in the morning made our way to Eldorado Canyon which is just southwest of Boulder, and also where sister Jennie worked while attending CU-Boulder. Much of the canyon resides in a state park renowned for its excellent climbing opportunities and after a few short and sweet morning hikes featuring views of the expansive eastern CO flats as well as the continental divide, friends and avid climbers Ben and Steve joined us for the remainder of the day with the canyon being their final stop on a climbing road trip originating in La Crosse, WI.

Back in college I did quite a bit of climbing with Ben and Steve. In fact, I was on the climbing gym’s staff when they first got started. But in our time apart they’ve taken their sport to a whole different level. Kristen, Anna and I relaxed as the pair casually but precisely selected the necessary gear for their ascent of The Bastille Crack, a 350 foot, five-pitch climb (I believe they did it in three pitches though).

Steve lead the climb, making quick work of the first ~50 feet and continuing on for at least another 100 before settling in on a small ledge to belay Ben as he followed and cleaned.

In the first image below you can just make out Steve (top) belaying Ben up the route (click for larger image). In the second photo Ben is ascending the last few feet of the final pitch.

After an exhausting day of exposure to the hot sun and fierce, sand-filled wind, we all returned to Boulder for some quality social time (it’s hard to catch up with friends when they’re 200 feet above you on a rock face).

After dinner and desserts, Ben and Steve began the long journey back to WI as Kristen, Anna and I started out for Steamboat Springs. Fatigue set in sooner than expected so we ended up grabbing a spot at the first campground we came upon.

Arriving in Steamboat the next morning, we rendezvoused with Biz and her dog, Sota, who had driven over from Grand Junction. We relaxed for much of the afternoon at a nice little cafe before getting in a short hike on the Fish Creek Falls trail.

In search of free camping we later found ourselves searching dirt roads for a poorly marked trail head. The state forest trail descriptions stated that water was accessible about half way along the 3 mile trail. As we were without sufficient water, this information was reassuring. After over an hour of climbing a mountain with full packs we grew skeptical. Ditching our gear at a suitable camping spot, we continued on with just our water bottles and after a great deal longer, discovered that the distances must have been by crow (which is totally absurd and dangerous to put on a trail guide). But we did manage to obtain water and the scenery was well worth the effort. With his endless energy, Sota provided plenty of motivating entertainment as well.

After a hearty meal we spent the evening playing electronic catch phrase amidst a field of skunk-weed (neat looking plant that doesn’t smell bad at all). Electonic games don’t really fit into the getting-back-to-nature spirit but it was fun and I suspect there were no other campers to annoy for miles in any direction.

The following day would prove to be our big hiking day and it began with the descent back to the cars. Sidenote: you may have noticed how blue the sky is in all of these pictures, and yes I know the sky is typically blue, but I swear the sky was bluer in Colorado. I don’t know if that’s a result of higher elevation or just my perception after living in the northwest, but regardless, every day was perfectly clear and beautiful.

We returned to the Fish Creek Falls trail with hopes of following the route further as it ascended for a bit over six miles to reach a chain of mountain lakes along the continental divide. Given the time of year and the steep terrain, the creek was as high as it gets, with most of its water in a state of falling rather than flowing.

The mountain sides were packed with alpines, whose bright green leaves were glowing in the afternoon sun.

But after a few miles we began to encounter patches of snow and before long, the trail was lost.

We knew the trail followed a generally straight path (the creek) and decided to push on, but as we progressed, more and more steps left us buried up to our thighs…except for Sota who effortlessly cruised across the snow. Encountering one false summit after another, we never did find any mountain lakes and had to begin our descent before the intense sun took too much of a toll.

That evening we camped just West of Yampa on some BLM land. After nearly seven hours of hiking we all crashed pretty early. In the morning we found a spot next to a nearby reservoir (of all accessible landmarks, this was the closest to a mountain lake) and wasted away much of the day playing Apples to Apples and finishing off a lot of the beer we had failed to consume thus far. Continuing South, we found ourselves in Eagle, a small town just West of Vail. After some terribly disappointing root beer floats at an old fashioned diner, we said goodbye to Biz and Sota who had to return to Grand Junction that night. Kristen, Anna and I proceeded East towards Vail but turned off the beaten path to find a great campsite a ways off of a scenic highway.

The area was undeveloped but a few camps were setup, claiming all the previously established fire pits. For as many campfires as we’ve all enjoyed, none of us had actually constructed our own pit so we decided to do just that. Though hardly a significant task, it did prove to be quite enjoyable and rewarding.

Shortly after consuming a delectable meal, another camper joined us by our fire and we subsequently learned that due to high cost of living in the Vail Valley, he (Nathan) and a friend had made this small plot of land their home for the summer while they worked in the area. It seemed like a pretty decent lifestyle (at least for the short term) and the pair of them are even considering living in a snow cave next winter. Have to admit I was just a bit jealous.

In the morning we took Nathan’s advice and set out on yet another trail offering access to a mountain lake. It was a steep but gorgeous climb among more alpines and skunk weed. But, once again we were stopped short by a trail lost in the snow. As this was our last hike of the trip, it came as now small disappointment but again, there were no regrets.

We pressed on to Vail and spent a few hours playing tourist; visiting over priced shops, enjoying massive ice cream cones and watching in awe as some local pros kayaked in Gore Creek, the small but powerful river flowing through town. Kristen would be remaining in CO to attend the Telluride Bluegrass festival while Anna and I needed to catch our flight out of Denver that evening. So the plan was to take the Greyhound departing mid-afternoon. Not the best choice.

The bus arrived almost two hours late and even then, the driver was unsure he’d be able to take everyone who had purchased tickets. Not sure what we would have done if we couldn’t have gotten on…and even more unsure of how Greyhound can sell tickets for seats they may not have…but I suppose the airlines do it too.

I recently read an article about the common misbehavior of airline passengers who feel a certain level of anonymity when flying and somewhat justifiably feel like they’ve paid for the rights to act however they so choose. But I have to say, the passengers on this bus were way beyond anything I’ve ever experienced on a plane. Many of the rider’s were in it for the long haul, traveling most of the way across the country. So, in hopes of being as comfortable as possible, many were basically wearing pajamas. And evidently, those who chose to not wear underwear were also those who chose to not bother pulling their pants up whenever they stood up. One obese woman walked up and down the isle a couple times practically naked.

Though I tried my best, I couldn’t help overhearing a two hour long shameless flirting session between the two rider’s behind me…whom had just met but were getting extremely comfortable with each other. After stories of how much they both enjoyed bar fights (in which both of them were always victorious) they progressed on to their exceptional performance in bed…sparing no details. Only after hearing that the girl was a divorced mother of two, did I find out that her twentieth birthday was coming soon. For the first time in my life I found myself wishing I already had children, just so they could be along for the ride thus providing greater justification in turning around and explaining how incredibly inappropriate, immature and disgusting their conversation was. Though I’m not usually the outspoken type, I came so close to confronting them with the truth that neither of them was really listening to the other, but rather just waiting for their turn to brag, so they might as well just decide right now to sleep with each other and shut up about it until it happens. Moving along…

After checking our bags at the airport, we were entertained by how easily discernible our gate was by the type of people waiting there. I don’t mean to stereotype but the seats really were filled with healthy looking, unobnoxious people, a sharp contrast to the majority of Denver Airport patrons. After a bit of juggling — Always fun in airports. Though the kids are excited for any break from the boredom of waiting at the gate, I think the distraction is appreciated more by their parents — the journey home went smoothly and was a great relief after the bus ride. As we walked in our front door, we were discussing how the five day trip had felt like a couple of fun filled weeks; a sure sign of success.

Photos by Jay Lawrence of Polara Studios (click image for gallery):

• Massive, gushing head wound
• Shredded, blood soaked clothes
• Blood on my unicycle
• Hand stamp from a strip club

Couldn’t be happier.

Details to come…

Edit: Details:

Feeling lazy so rather than elaborate with insufficient words, I’m just going to redirect you to an excellent set of photos taken by Garrett Downen. Click image below:

Can’t wait ’til next year’s rampage!

Edit #2: Another great set of photos by Jay Lawrence at Polara Studios(click image for gallery):

OregonLive.com showed up to film a bit of the action and managed to capture an excellent play by myself and one Bok Choi (look for it fifteen seconds into the clip, I’m in the brown pants, silver shirt and blue vest).

Making use of our newly acquired bike trailer, last night also marked my first bike-commute to UniPolo which takes place a bit over five miles from home, and all of it uphill…but not very steep. Though the loaded trailer is a noticeable burden, the ride took precisely 30 minutes; approximately the same time it previously took to drive. Returning home was a relative breeze.

Even more exciting unicycling news coming soon…

In other good times, though the weather was not yet great yesterday, Anna and I enjoyed a 30+ mile ride to the northern-most point of Portland (East of the Williamette), Kelley Point Park. As Anna gets comfortable on her new road bike (a very generous gift from her parents), I find myself considering a higher gear-ratio on my single speed (I can’t let a girl beat me in the flats). Speaking of which, after Anna suffered through three flats in two days, we both invested in some under-the-saddle bags and patch kits. Well worth the $8.

Also in biking-all-the-time news, we made a sweet score off of craigslist today for $25 (center stage in the photo below):

Now you’re probably thinking, Jack…you don’t have any kids. That may be true now, but come January of next year…no, I’m kidding. I’ve got at least a couple more decades to go before I consider that whole ordeal. We bought the bike trailer as one step closer to never having to drive within the city. Although it looks kinda dorky to tote this thing around, it tracks wonderfully, is lightweight and has a rain cover. The minute we got it home, we hooked it up and took off for the grocery store. As we were loading up our reusable grocery bags in preparation for the ride home, we both commented on the relief and relaxation we’ve been bringing upon ourselves through such lifestyle changes. Yeah we’re doing lots of things that are good for the economy, the environment and our own physical well-being, but I think that for both of us, it’s more about doing away with excess which has been proving to be not only unnecessary, but counter-productive; trimming away the fat both figuratively and literally.

Backtracking a bit… As we were driving back into town after picking up the trailer, we noted how long it had been since we’d spent so much time in a car (a total of about 50 minutes). This got me thinking about how ridiculous my car insurance premiums are. I had previously checked with Geico only to find that I was already in their lowest annual mileage bracket and so despite the fact that I’ll likely put way less than 5,000 miles on my car this year, I’m paying nearly $4/day while my car usually just sits in front of our house. So this train led to the theorizing of a pay-per-mile insurance coverage. Well, it turns out I’m not the first to have this idea (surprise!) and there are a number of organizations trying to get such systems in place. Many of these groups cleverly and appropriately refer to current insurance plans as all-you-can-eat; where you’ve already paid as much as you’re going to pay so you might as well get the highest mile/$ or else you’re getting ripped off. A pay-per-mile plan would reward those who drive less, thus providing incentive to spend less on gas and cars, which in turn would keep more money in local economies. This is what I would refer to as an “everybody wins” situation. Hard to argue against those.

Well enough for now. It was a great weekend and as society overcomes one retarding factor after another, progress keeps accelerating. The future is looking better and better.

Almost forgot!… We’re going to Colorado on Wednesday!

It was a few hours before we actually reached the loop portion of the trail and due to extremely high water in Bell Creek, the loop turned into an out-’n-back. Eventually we reached Franklin Ridge, some 2500′ higher than the trailhead. After enjoying the scenery we turned around and descended back to the creek to make camp.

As we were cooking a tasty wild rice and mushroom soup for dinner, we were all startled by a sudden and loud ‘ding’. Something had struck the soup pot. Just a few seconds later, it happened again but we all saw it this time and inspected the item to discover that it was a marble-sized hailstone. And with that, a torrent of ice descended upon us. We hurried off to our tents, where we remained, confined by a continual downpour, frequent lightning and roaring thunder (unusual for Oregon) until morning.

The sun never really rose the next day as we were deep in a valley, enclosed in very dense wood. But the storm had passed and with the added wetness, the forest looked as lush as ever. It continued to drizzle for the remainder of our hike out and the humidity was so high that my camera lens would fog up instantly after each futile attempt to dry it off.

(Below, left to right: Will, Leah, Anna, Me, Triple Falls)

The weather certainly could have been better and it would have been nice to hike the whole loop, but for a first outing of the season, it was entirely satisfying.

It is true that there are occasional serious collisions involving bicyclists, sometimes even resulting in a fatality. But if the relevant facts are considered, biking proves to be statistically far safer than driving.

Bringing up Google News this morning, in the Portland specific column, four of ten headlines referenced the deaths of five people in vehicle-only collisions. All four occurred during just this last weekend.

The numbers of drivers and bikers has to be taken into account as over 80% of Portlanders never bike-commute. So of course the number of driver fatalities should be higher. But looking at it as a per-user ratio, driver fatalities have always far exceeded those of bikers.

A greater problem is likely the feeling of vulnerability. A vehicle collision at 25 mph will probably leave drivers with a few bruises where as a crash at the same speed on a bike is likely to put someone in a hospital. This seems like reasonable justification for staying in the car. But, a majority of drivers don’t think twice about driving 60+ mph on a two-lane highway where opposing traffic is a mere five or six feet away. It would be a rare occurrance for anyone to survive a head on collision at that speed.

So here are my suggestions:

• If you would like to bike, do it, but be smart about it. Invest in the whole helmet, headlight, tail-light setup and find good routes.
• If you don’t want to bike, try to keep in mind how easily your vehicle could ruin or end a biker’s life (especially if you drive an SUV or truck).
• Never honk at a biker unless you believe it will prevent them from harm. Horns are designed to be heard through windows in loud traffic and as such, are deafening and startling to an exposed ear just a few feet away.
• And for humanity’s sake, use your turn signal!

I’m not sure how they’re conducting market research if they came to the conclusion that this technology would be a big selling point. The key components of a physical, input user interface (keyboard, mouse, touch-screen) are the speed and intuitiveness of communicating information to the computer. Any aspect of an interface which reduces these factors ensures that the interface will not be accepted. Even the mouse, an excellent means of interacting with a graphical user interface, has the significant downfall of taking one hand away from the keyboard, hence the very common implementation of keyboard shortcuts whenever possible.

Let’s look at a few ways in which the new multi-touch interface is bound to fail:

• Skin is oily. I don’t want to finish off every use of my computer with a cleaning session.
• Try reaching both of your arms to your screen(s) right now and hold them there for fifteen seconds. Notice anything?
• Imagine a practical application in which more than two simultaneous points of contact would be useful (aside from Microsoft’s demo app which allows you to play a piano via touch-screen)…yeah, I can’t really think of one either.
• Forget the last point and imagine that you are doing something that uses three points of contact. Try putting each index finger on your screen. Now, with any remaining digit, go through the motions of dragging something across the screen. Yeah, my fingers are attached to each other too.
• To overcome the problems discovered in the last point, you could start with the thumb and index finger of one hand and then do the drag with the other hand. Now, with the hypothetical photo your thumb and finger are resizing, enlarge it to fill the screen.
• Put your two index fingers on the screen again. Getting annoyed yet?
• But for real, put them on the screen. Can you see your clock? How about the buttons in your task bar? I don’t know about you but I get annoyed when my mouse cursor obscures a single character of text.
• Another app featured in the demo was an online map service. With multi-touch, zooming-in is as easy as putting two fingers on the screen and spreading them apart; a vast improvement over the outdated double-click or turn of the mouse-wheel, right?
• Imagine you just spent over $200 on Windows 7. You get everything installed on your current system, open up Windows Picture and Fax Viewer to resize a recent photo, reach to the screen and go through the motions (literally) and…nothing happens. You spend some time ensuring that the drivers are installed correctly but still no results. Oh wait, that’s right! Your monitor(s) aren’t touch-screens. No big deal, you just spend $10/screen to recycle your old ones and another measly $1000+ to replace them with touch-screens. Problem solved.

My suggestion: stick with what already works and if you must, take the money you’ve saved and buy a piano.

Talk about sloth…

You may notice that the brake cable tube stay (I don’t know if that’s what it’s called but it makes sense) at the far right of the picture looks a little odd. That’s because it’s the entirely wrong component. But, I needed something there until I find the right part or else the brake would not function. With the added feature of drops in my handlebars I should be able to cut down my wind-resistance by a fair amount, thus making this bike an even more absurdly easy ride.

On Friday I also purchased a bike-accessory upgrade; a purchase I should have made a long time ago:

For a lot less than I expected to pay, strapping this thing on is like night and day when compared to my old skate-style helmet. Way lighter, way cooler and significantly flashier.

Rode over to City Bikes Saturday morning in search of the used set of brake levers shown above. Arrived a few minutes before they were to open and after standing around outside for a bit, decided to spend the time riding around a few blocks. And it’s a good thing I did. Returning less than five minutes later I rolled up to see two cars up on the sidewalk, having smashed into each other before crashing into the bike shop. The more-damaged vehicle came to rest exactly where I had been standing.

Other bikers had arrived as I was passing the time and a couple guys dodged a pummeling from a damaged street sign by only a few inches. Although one driver appeared to be in shock, no one was physically hurt (as far as I know). Most of the carnage was limited to one of the cars and an innocent, by-standing, parked bicycle.

Despite the unexpected happenings, the store opened for business as usual and I was able to buy the part I needed for a reasonable $3, putting the total expense of this project up to $4.

So how about that other factor that occasionally plays a part in decision making; money? Every time I fill my tank these days — which due to an increase in biking, is actually quite a rare occurrance — it runs me about $50. In seeking a replacement which represents a wise financial move, a number of factors have to be taken into account (that number being 5):

1. Fuel-efficiency of the replacement vehicle
2. Cost of fuel in the next x years
3. Amount of driving I’m likely to do in the next x years
4. Cost of the replacement vehicle
5. Resale value of my current vehicle

If I keep my car and drive 10,000 miles/year for the next five years (probably will be far less but I’m biased towards whatever results will leave me more inclined to get a different car). With a current mpg of about 22, that represents a fuel cost — making a terrible assumption of $4/gal — of ~$9000 (that sucks).

If, however, I swap out for a Prius (don’t really want one of those but it’s got the highest fuel-efficiency on the market right now) I’m looking at 45 mpg, a net loss of nearly $9000 on the selling/buying of vehicles plus a $4,500 fuel bill. Pretty easy to see this doesn’t work out so well.

But — getting back to the title of this post — in my highschool years I drove a VW Jetta III which at the time left me convinced that I would drive VW for life. Obviously that conviction didn’t stick. But just this morning I saw that the 2009 Jetta TDi is coming to the states with an emissions rating that meets the world’s strictest regulations, a price tag about $5k less than the prius and a fuel-efficiency of ~55 mpg. Also, it’s not a Prius.

So, recalculating: 55 mpg, ~$3,500 loss in selling/buying, fuel bill of ~$4,000 (price adjusted for higher rate of diesel).

To summarize, keeping my car will cost me $9,000 in the next five years (regarding just the factors mentioned above). Switching to a new Prius (ugh) will cost me $13,500. Switching to a new Jetta will cost $7,500. Sounds good to me!

But wait, there’s more! Right now I pay way too much for car insurance despite hardly driving at all. The primary reason for that is the type of car I’m driving. Migrating to the Jetta is likely to cut that bill down by 30-40%, taking at least another $1000 off that five year projection.

All of this will be disregarded by the time 2009 rolls around, hopefully due to an ever increasing selection of higher-efficiency vehicles that don’t look stupid.

I could approve of an Ice Age 3. I would have no criticism of an animated dinosaur movie either. But this premise is just absurd. What’s next…Ice Age 4 – The Coming of Jesus?

It is said that sweat is necessary to cool the body. That may be true…to an extent. But I’m pretty sure when I’m out unicycling, the excessive sweat which drips out from under my helmet and pools in my eyes is not aiding me in anyway. Likewise, I’m sick of putting shoes on the day after a ride only to feel like they were submerged in one of the many fountains downtown…though admittedly this is exactly what happened on multiple occasions.

It’s going to be 86º this evening when we’re playing Uni-Polo and 94º tomorrow. If I die of dehydration while unicycling, don’t mourn my death too much. But do avenge me by developing the all-over-antiperspirant described above.

It’s really like a giant garage sale in that nearly everything is junk. However, among the tens of thousands of items, there is definitely something for everyone. For approximately $5 I rode away with a great zip-up, moisture-wicking shirt, a ridiculous sweater-vest (standard Unicycle Bastard uniform), about $40 worth of unopened seasonings and this:

My single-speed currently features bullhorn handlebars and as we were riding to Good Will I was telling Anna how much I wanted drop handlebars. Along with the bars came a couple of brake levers and some end caps. All I need now is some sweet tape.

For three years now, I’ve lived with someone who has worked very closely with many individuals suffering from a smorgasbord of mental illnesses. And I certainly respect her claims that the care systems are lacking in no small way. While there is very likely room for improvement, I strongly doubt that a “good” solution exists. Time for an analogy:

Let’s say you own an apple orchard and produce apple juice as a means of supporting your family. Apples are excellent producers of apple juice and so you welcome apple trees into your fields and accommodate their growth whenever possible. But one day a stray orange seed lands in your fields and sprouts into an orange tree (I don’t really know how plausible this is but just go with it). A range of actions can be taken in response to such an occurrence:

1. Dig up the tree and dispose of it. An excellent choice if your primary concern is the well-being of your family which is directly related to the success of your orchard.
2. Leave it be, allowing it to consume resources which are crucial to your apple trees. A reasonable decision if you are ethically opposed to uprooting/killing trees.
3. Incorporate the juice from the oranges into your apple juice and later find out that the majority of juice-drinkers prefer ‘pure’ apple juice. A questionable course of action. Your family will suffer as a result, but if you believe that all fruit juices deserve equal opportunity, it may be justifiable.
4. Develop a radical chemical fertilizer which when applied to the orange tree, causes it to grow apples. This may be difficult but upon success, provides for your family and avoids killing the tree. However, by causing it to grow apples you’ve essentially turned it into an apple tree, thus doing away with the original completely.

Hopefully you’ve noticed some connections by now. Persons with mental illnesses are difficult to accommodate because often times their thought processes (the root of who they are) and resulting actions are counteractive in relation to the goals of the majority. The ill person is hardly to blame for their illness, but likewise, healthy individuals cannot be blamed for supporting policy which caters primarily to the majority.

So as I stated earlier, I dont’ believe a “good” solution exists. The reason being that two mutually exclusive goals are being pursued simultaneously. I don’t like to criticize without offering alternatives or solutions but in this case I’m just suggesting that critics refrain from issuing harsh words about our mental health care systems unless they themselves can present a better solution that is plausible in modern society.

Edit: Upon re-reading this I realized that it sounded like an attack on Anna…which wasn’t my intent. This was written in reaction to a few news articles which criticized the ill state of this country’s health care system without any mention of alternatives.

Let’s make another assumption and from here on out consider my first statement above to be globally valid…because it is. So now all we face is a task that many would consider to be a pipe-dream. I’m not one for smoking so I rather describe it as an absolute feasibility.

The solution is radical yet elegant, controversial yet justifiable. I can’t take credit for the concept as I first encountered it in Kim Stanley Robinson’s book, Red Mars. However, the story only touched on the basics and most of what is below is of my own construction.

With a goal of population reduction, the most obvious and efficient method is mass extermination, be it deliberate or via global catastrophe. One or both of these could definitely occur in the near future but a better option might be one that doesn’t involve any increase in the average death rate.

There are two factors in population flux; deaths and births. Since we are avoiding an increase in deaths, the only other option is a decrease in births. Of course, any regulation on reproduction will be met with great opposition but try to consider the following objectively, keeping in mind that the objective is increased quality of life for each future generation.

Things we want to consider in developing birthing regulations (from here on out I will refer to an individual’s right to produce one child as a ‘birth-right’):

1. All people should have equal birth-rights.
2. It takes one man and one woman to produce a child (obvious but important).
3. Biological parents have a variety of relationships ranging from life-long committment to none.
4. Generally speaking, there are numerous direct correlations between a child’s quality of life and his parents’ income level.
5. A future child’s health and well-being should take priority over his parents’ values.
6. Modern birth control and contraceptives are both cheap and effective.
7. There should be no fixed limit on how many children a person can produce…otherwise the system will never be accepted.

That last point may seem to inherently contradict the concept of birthing regulations but in fact it does not.

The concept is simple so I will lay it out simply. The implications are great so they will require greater exploration.

At birth, every human earns an irrevokable ¾ birth-right. It’s tough to produce ¾ of a child, so when deciding to have a child, a person must add their birth-right to that of another resulting in 1½ birth-rights. After a birth, each parent is left with a remaining ¼ birth-right. Two courses of action can be taken next. If the parent(s) do not foresee having another child at the time, they can sell their remaining birth-rights. The rights can only be sold to a virtual, global bank of birth-rights. The other course of action, in the event that the parents want to have another child, would be for each to purchase another ¼ birth-right from this bank. The bank’s “vault” would originally contain zero birth-rights and so before additional rights could be purchased, other parents would have to have sold their remainders.

Important regulations which would need to be in place:

1. An individual may only sell ¼ birth-right from their initial ¾ birth-right prior to producing a child. In other words, a childless individual will never have less than ½ birth-right.
2. At no time may an individual purchase birth-rights that would result in that individual posessing more than ½ birth-right.
3. Though the market value of birth-rights will fluctuate, at any given instant the buying and selling rates will be equal.
4. Prospective parents that do not fit into the category of one fertile male and one fertile female can continue to obtain a child by all means which are available. In the event that other individuals are required to produce the child (sperm/egg donors, surrogate mothers, etc.) only the individuals who receive custody of the child must utilize their birth-rights.
5. No purchase of birth-rights may be made on credit and no individual or organization may provide a loan for the purpose of purchasing birth-rights.
6. No financial profit may be made from the buying or selling of birth-rights.

Result of this regulatory system: Since the global total number of birth-rights will always be equal to ¾ of the population, each generation will be at most ¾ that of it’s predecessor. If this system was implemented today, with an approximate population of six billion, our goal of 90% population reduction could be achieved in just eight generations. Generations on average are between 22 and 25 years in separation so the goal could be met in under two hundred years; significantly faster than the more than three hundred years it took to grow from 600 million to six billion.

With such a proposal, there will be endless objections and complications. I won’t thoroughly investigate every issue right now but would like to acknowledge some of those that are most obvious.

• Abortion rates are likely to increase. However, this could be countered by greater education about, and availability of, birth control. Both would become easier as population decreased.
• Special circumstances, such as the death of a young child, would require consideration. It would be both ethically and objectively prudent to refund birth-rights to the child’s parents. The difficulty comes in determining an age at which the refund is no longer issued.
• Enforcement is a big one. Standard law enforcement practices would actually be counter-productive regarding our goal of improved quality of life. Imprisoning or fining parents is just as much a punishment to the innocent child. A better guide might be the U.S. laws regarding the right to vote. Each citizen inherits this right but it is revoked if convicted of a felony. Since the birth-right system likewise grants privelages to all, those who violate regulations should have those privelages revoked. It is hardly sufficient to state that an offending parent may never again purchase additional birth-rights. They’ve already managed to reproduce without sufficient birth-rights once. Further action is required and although extreme, sterilization is the only truly effective method. Many may place this on the level of capitol punishment but sterilization for males is already a very simple, non-invasive procedure and in years to come, this could be the case for females as well. More importantly, this punishment succeeds in eliminating the possibility of repeat offenders; a major flaw that persists with imprisonment and citations.

The last issue I’d like to confront is the bias that exists at the core of this system. Since the ability to reproduce will be directly associated with wealth, population will tend to decrease most rapidly in poverty stricken areas. At a glance, this almost appears to be an extremely slow form of genocide, but without the horror of mass murders. And to an extent, that is what would happen. But again, if we focus on the objective, we’ll see that this is exactly the intent of the system. The root cause of poverty is resources. A community of people living in a desert may be able to survive for many generations, but they will never obtain a level of security that comes with relative ease elsewhere. If in reducing Earth’s population, that population is simultaneously re-dispersed to the lands which can best support us, then our objective will be met more quickly.

If this system were utilized continuously, after another eight generations population would be down to about 60 million. Considering humans’ inherent curiosity and desire for wide varieties of experience, there is likely a population level at which quality of life — as measured by ability to seek out pleasing experiences — would begin to decrease along with population. As this level is approached, the system can easily be altered to provide each individual with 1 initial birth-right, rather than ¾. With this change, population would virtually level-off.

As previously mentioned, I only touched on a few of the greater ethical and practical issues that would be associated with such a system. If you feel that I missed something crucial, or if everything you read hear left you infuriated, I want to hear about it. Please comment below.

Last weekend Anna and I, joined by a past co-worker of Anna’s, ventured South to Silver Falls State Park, Oregon’s largest state park. The area had come highly recommended by many and did not disappoint. Traveling along the ~8 mile loop named Trail of Ten Falls, we encountered what I’m pretty sure was more than ten thunderous and towering waterfalls, many of which occupy enormous amphitheaters allowing the trail to pass behind the plummeting torrents.

The size of the above falls is hard to grasp without reference. See Anna below:

Neat plant that looked a lot like celery:

If you enjoy waterfalls — even if it’s only due to the ionized-air induced euphoria — this trail is a must-hike.

Today I found redemption as Portland has just been awarded the Platinum Level Bike-Friendly-Community designation by the League of American Bicyclists. Previously, only Davis, CA — a town of 65k people, covering an area which could be circumnavigated by bike in under a half hour — held such distinction.

News articles detailing the honor, went on to describe the major economic benefits to cities which accommodate cyclists. In addition to bicycle infrastructure generally consuming less than 1% of public transportation expenses, the money cyclists don’t spend on cars and gas is more likely to stay in the local economy. Traffic congestion decreases, air quality increases, public health improves.

In honor of Portland’s award (not really), Anna and I are reducing our number of cars by 50% and replacing that one car with a bike trailer. We’re also looking into replacing the remaining car with something featuring far greater fuel efficiency and lower insurance rates. Anyone got any reccommendations?

Today I came across an article stating that the police department is coming under fire for this very issue. It seems that many people are angered by on-duty police officers parking illegally when they’re just stopping in a restaurant to grab a bite to eat (the incident I witnessed also happened to take place at a restaurant but the officer was not there to eat).

But I have to say that I am with the PD on this one. They should park in whatever location will best allow them to do their jobs. What they should not do is abuse this right by parking across two spaces just because they can’t get a ticket.

Time went on, people got married, I moved to Portland and was inducted into a local group known as the Unicycle Bastards. More time passed without pertinence. But then just last night, in a boredom-initiated bout of web-surfing, a series of cascading realizations was initiated and eventually led to the certain determination that the riders spotted outside of Hood River years ago, were indeed the very same Bastards I now ride with every week.

I would close with the entirely predictable “Small world.” but rational consideration (my favorite kind of consideration) reveals that Earth is really quite large. A similarly incomplete sentence such as “Atypical interest.” seems more appropriate.

Note to screen writer’s: Incredibly unbelievable coincidence is intriguing in real life. This does not carry over to fiction where coincidence is transparent. If in the end of the story, past events which seemed meaningless suddenly present their relevance, no one is going to be blown away. In fiction, coincidence in the plot is merely continuity in the writing, something every story should have.

One more thing: Why do the infected people have super human abilities?

I heard so many good reviews of this film. I give it a 5/10 for entertainment value and a 3/10 for general quality as a movie.

But the game continued and I quickly found myself having a blast. As one can imagine, polo on a unicycle is not particularly easy (though it’s got to be easier than polo on a horse) but the average skill level was high enough that there was a legitimate sense of sport rather than a bunch of guys riding around trying to hit a ball.

I’m hooked. If you want to watch or play, come to Alberta Park any Thursday at 6:30 pm. Shin-guards recommended if you’re going to play.

I didn’t take the time to upload most of the photos yet but two inparticular presented an interesting idea. Each photo was of the same scene but with the focus at different distances. I mirrored one image and placed it next to the other. The result strikes me as something that would be used as a lame concept for some freshman art student’s final project. Be sure to look at the full size image because this small version doesn’t really show the varying focus points well.

Note the clipless pedals (although this term makes sense based on its origins — pedals which attach to your shoes without toe-clips — it’s an annoying current usage because pedals which seem to clip to you shoes are referred to as clipless) which also have a platform construction so I don’t have to wear bike shoes.

Apparently this saddle is pretty nice.

The appeal of a bike like this is the low weight which is partially a result of minimal componentry.

Doing away with deraillieurs leaves only two gearing options (unless of course you have an internal gear hub)…and this bike has both! The two options are single-speed free-wheel (much like on a BMX or most kids bikes) or fixed-gear (like on my unicycles). This duality is accomplished by whats called a flip-flop hub. Flipping between the two options just requires flopping the wheel around.

After a day’s riding on the fixed gear I’ve still got plenty of free-wheel habits that need to be broken before they get me into trouble.

Finally I’m not putting all my energy into overcoming friction with the ground. This ride is solid, smooth, fast and entirely silent.

But inspired by Jenil’s recent purchase of XC gear, Anna and I rented some equipment from REI for the weekend (pretty good deal) and this morning celebrated the floating of Jesus’s ghost (as learned through Sunday-school videos) by doing an eight mile loop out by Trillium Lake. Despite the warm-ish but rainy, spring-like conditions in Portland, only an hour to the East we found heavy snowfall and a base of 8 feet featuring well-groomed trails. Amazingly, in our three hours out there, we only encountered other people in the last few minutes.

XC may replace alpine for me, mostly due to cost. A day-pass to any of the alpine resorts generally runs about $50/person while an annual Snow-Park pass costs $20 and covers everyone you can fit in one car.

But again and again I’m running into the problem of not being able to find clothes small enough for me. I understand that the population in general is getting fatter but it hardly seems logical to taylor athletic apparel solely for those who fall into the categorization of not-so-fit. In addition to clothing manufacturers, I feel partial blame falls upon basketball players. Only in basketball do the better players put form way, way ahead of function; tank-tops long enough to trip on and shorts that, if one concentrates enough, only fall off two or three times per game. I won’t even go into the hideousness of the shoes.

My opinions were set in stone yesterday when I finally found a shirt that fit me perfectly. Size: Boys Large

…at least that’s how I’m guessing this movie came to be.

After a quick stop at a market — and a bit of grocery store isle unicycling — we made our way to the development studio of local cinematographer, Burk Webb. Burk had recently completed a short film featuring us bastards as unicycling zombies and it has been submitted to a bike-centric film festival in town. Our ride tonight had originated as a precursor to the premiere which took place at Burk’s. After the third or fourth viewing, hysteria subsided and we all settled in for Planet Terror, a sort-of-zombie flick. Pretty funny and cleverly produced.

Saturday began with Anna and I enjoying our weekly morning trail-run but then turned out to be an equally great uni-day as I spent a good chunk of the afternoon on the East Esplanade riding some trials. A group of phenomenal trials bicyclists showed up, putting my skills to shame…but they had handlebars, brakes and two wheels so my ego remained inflated. They seemed equally impressed with me and now I have a second group to ride trials with. I managed some of the most technical lines of my life during these couple hours so I went home quite satisfied but also entirely spent.

Anna and I got a slow start Sunday morning which was worsened by the realization of the daylight-savings time change. Heading North of town we set out hiking along the Warrior Rock Lighthouse Trail on the eastern shore of Sauvie Island. The clear skies offered expansive views encompassing Mts. Hood, Adams and St. Helens (second photo).

After three miles the trail ends at the Warrior Rock Lighthouse. St. Helens can be seen again in the background.

Arriving back home mid-afternoon, I quickly packed up my uni-gear and jumped back in the car. While on the return-hike, another couple of bastards had invited me to join them for a muni ride near Scappoose, a small town very near where we had been hiking. I was reluctant after such a full weekend but could not pass up the opportunity and as soon as we hit the trails I knew I had made the right choice. Scappoose is without doubt, my new favorite location for muni. Technical trails with numerous artificial features provide a perfect mix of challenge and ride-ability. The highlight of the ride was nailing the gap-drop shown below, just as a group of bikers came through to witness the feat (I didn’t actually jump back up it, it just looks funny in reverse).

So excited to be unicycling so often again.

But then the officer casually climbs out of the car and strolls in to sit down with who I later gather is her daughter. They sit around chatting for the extent of my time there. As I’m walking out the door I am quite appalled by this whole situation so I decide that rather than be irritated all day, I’ll go and express my concern:

Me: Excuse me, that’s your car out front, right?

Officer: Yes.

M: Can I ask why you chose to park across both of the disabled-parking spaces?

O: I’m only going to be here a short time.

M: That’s hardly reason to do that. There are open spaces everywhere. And why would you park diagonally across two, blocking the wheelchair ramp?

O: Thank you for your opinion.

M: I have to assume that if another car was parked like that when you drove up, it would have received a large citation.

O: Thank you for caring.

M: I just think that it’s extremely inappropriate. Can you offer any explanation as to why you did that?

O: If you’ll excuse me, I’m having lunch with my daughter.

 

Turns out that expressing my dissatisfaction did not relieve my anger. I would call her actions an abuse of power but that doesn’t really apply since she did not benefit from them. She could have parked equally close to the door in a legal spot. I can only assume that she did it simply to feel powerful and above-the-law.

I wish I had had my camera to document what, in my opinion, should get her immediately relieved of her badge. Instead, I settled for her badge number which I used to file a formal complaint with a third party service.

Though no logical relation exists, it may be reason enough to trade in for something with more acceptable fuel efficiency.

And while not on the relevant topic of unrelated events, Anna and I are going to Cirque du Soleil’s Corteo on Tuesday!

Regardless of how warm and sunny it may be, do not attempt to go mountain unicycling in the mountains until Spring.

When I subscribed to Comcast, I agreed to pay a monthly rate in exchange for a specified quantity of bandwidth (something like 6 Mbps/768 Kbps). What Comcast is admitting here is that they cannot simultaneously provide all customers with the service they’ve sold. I see it as comparable to the equally-questionable airline practices of over-booking flights. They’re both selling a service which they can’t actually provide. Pretty sure this is referred to as fraud.

Granted, it would be nearly impossible for ISPs to guarantee such speeds for all customers. And doing so would likely increase the cost of service by an order of magnitude. What really needs to happen is for ISPs to offer a greater range of packages. A vast majority of subscribers never transfer significant amounts of data (emails containing the last 100 replys and some 640×480 images are not a lot of data). Such customers really are getting ripped off by the monthly fees they pay.

All that said, I am a subscriber who transfers quite a bit of data and a variety of subscription plans would likely leave me paying far more than I do now. So forget I brought this up.

And that’s great for us! Last night we decided we wanted to do a hike today and after a few minutes online, Anna had found an organization which leads over 1000 hikes/climbs each year. So this morning we showed up at the indicated meeting spot and were blown away by the number of people gathering. However, we quickly learned that the numbers were a result of at least four such organizations leading trips, meeting at the same time and in the same location.

The group we joined today is the Adventurous Young Mazamas (AYM) — a group that spawned off of the original Mazamas which generally attracts a much older crowd — and four of us set out to hike the eight mile Cape Horn Loop Trail on the Washington side of the Columbia River Gorge. Steep terrain took us along edges of towering cliffs, to exposed vistas where 40+ mph winds had us clinging to trees for safety and down near the river’s edge where numerous waterfalls fell onto or over the trail.

Feeling lazy so here are some photos sans narration.

Great hike. Highlight of the weekend.

The film is broken into three parts. The first traces the origins of Christianity back to the zodiac calendar (astrology) as well as ancient Egyption theology. The undeniable facts about the alignments of stars in historical times, combined with the plausibly deniable — but extremely coincidental — interpretations of those alignments presented in the movie are extremely convincing. I had never heard of Christianity’s origins being traced this far back but it comes across as extremely likely. The overall point of part one is just that the Jesus allegory is simply another rendition of a mythical interpretation of the movement of the stars. This is nothing new but as I said, it’s presented in a very convincing manner.

As part two begins, it seems the movie has jumped off the tracks and landed on a whole new topic; the proposed conspiracy that now goes under the stupid name of 911. After a mountain of evidence is piled up, the claim is that the entire attack was not only foreseen, but also planned, by individuals in the Bush administration. The detailing of how the towers should not have collapsed — especially not as quickly as they did — and the evidence of previous tampering with the building’s steel structure really got me wondering. Part two goes on to describe how this tactic — feigning an attack in order to justify starting a war — is in no way novel to the U.S.

Part three really got to me. In our discussions about the reasons for our country remaining in a state that is unsatisfactory for a majority of it’s citizens, Anna and I have come to the conclusion that a very small number of individuals, who already have more money than they could possibly use, make decisions to benefit themselves, knowing full well that the repercussions will be undesirable for the majority. Obviously we aren’t the first to reach this end but after numerous discussions, we’ve found no other logical explanation. Details on that may come in another post. Back to the movie. Part three claimed that this elite group does exist and is primarily made up of those who own/run the world’s banks and the Federal Reserve. Very surprising to me was the fact that The Federal Reserve is simply the name of a private corporation and it is in no way ‘federal’ in the sense of being run by the government. An interesting associated point was that no law exists that says citizens must pay a federal income tax.

These three conspiracies are tied together in that they all deceive and manipulate the majority in order to obtain power and control for a tiny minority. If you know me, you know I fully agree with this being the purpose for the origin and continued growth of organized religion. The other two issues presented are still up in the air for me.

I’m recommending this movie to all; progressive and conservative, gullible and cynical, young and old (needed a third pairing). If you buy what the movie is selling, it will probably change your life (at least for a few days). If you think it’s deceitful, well organized propaganda…it’s still really entertaining, deceitful, well organized propaganda.

Edit: I thought I would include a link to the trailer but was only able to locate independently created trailers. However, while searching for it I found that the entire movie is hosted on the movie’s official website.

So the day after the big run, Anna and I hopped in the car (this turned out to be much easier than running) and drove out to see some of these sites as well as play a round of disc golf at Dabney State Park along the way.

As an experiment, I mounted my camera on my dashboard and took a low-frame-rate video of the journey. Compiling all the clips and playing them at 10x actual speed (~40x my running speed) still produced a semi-lengthy clip which sort of aids in conveying what 25 miles along the road actually looks like.

The clip is six minutes long — which is too long — but, running it any faster made it unbearably dizzying. It’s bad enough as it is. But this is only where the problems began. After uploading to GoogleVideo and YouTube, they both massacred the video, producing six minutes of a blurry mess. Facebook ended up retaining the greatest quality level so for those of you who have an account, here it is.

I’m going to try uploading directly to WordPress later on and if that turns out better I’ll update this so everyone can see it.

*If you’re curious as to why the camera pans away from the road occasionally, we were trying to capture Mt. Hood and the numerous Washington-side mountains, but after the quality reduction, all was lost.

But…while on my 24th run yesterday, a casual 4 miles, I began contemplating a unique opportunity. Sister Jennie had invited me to join her and visiting Aunt Mary for lunch out at Multnomah Falls Lodge in the Columbia River Gorge. I wasn’t sure just how far East this location was, but knew it wasn’t super far. When I got home I was a bit disappointed to find that it was actually close to 40 miles from our apartment. But then I noticed that if I started a little ways northeast — still technically in Portland — I could make a straight shot to the falls via the Historic Columbia River Scenic Byway, covering a much more reasonable distance.

So I told Jennie that I’d already be out that way and would just meet up with her and Mary at the falls. Having initiated plans to go unicycling with the bastards last night, I felt unable to back out — which certainly would have been a wise decision — and so, went on to do some pretty impressive trials riding with the astounding, 10+ riders who showed up. I did come home a little worried that I may have overdone it a bit.

With my support crew (Anna) dropping me off a specifically selected intersection, I began heading East around 7:30 this morning. The first 40% of the run was far from scenic but the road was flat and straight so I got it over with quickly. Along with the first bend in my route came a downward slope along a very high ledge paralleling the Sandy River. Crossing this river via the Stark St. Bridge put me right onto the scenic byway.

Having descended basically to sea-level, the next 20% consisted of a continual climb up to 1000 ft. Although long and slow, upon reaching the Portland Women’s Forum State Scenic Viewpoint — no idea what the name is all about — I was greatly rewarded with a view that is known to be the most photogenic point of the entire river gorge. And better yet, the remainder of the distance was generally downhill.

It was tough not having a camera along for this outing, passing one enormous waterfall after another and continually overlooking the river gorge, but obviously that would have complicated things and given my muscles plenty of opportunity to seize up on me. So with only a couple stops to dig some fuel out of my bag, the miles continued to pass and just as I was reaching my last paces, I came around a small bend and saw my goal.

Check out a map of the route here.

As an appropriate ending to the 25th Year Birthday Challenge, this 25th run was 25 miles (actually about 25.7 according to the GPS watch Jennie loaned me). The weather was great and the views were amazing. As soon as I can walk, I’ll have to get out that way again with my camera.

On a related note, somewhere in my long-winded detailing of the plans for this challenge, I mentioned that I had bought a scale and might like to lose five pounds along the way. I lost three in the first week but then tapered off and hovered around 145 for three weeks. But, just yesterday I found that I had lost the last two pounds, thus reaching yet another goal.

And with that, my birthday celebrations are complete.

In this short time, the payoff has been significant. My increased fitness is quite noticeable, both visibly and functionally. Now I’ll just have to see if I can maintain this regimen without the motivation of a birthday challenge.

An unforeseen benefit of this pursuit is the excellent preparation for some upcoming challenges which very recently presented themselves. More to come on that issue later.

Also be annoyed by the endless repetition of the first animated GIF I’ve ever made:

Next time I’m between jobs, don’t be surprised/worried if I go missing for a month or two.

…at three months I’d appreciate a search party.

But today, with no modesty whatsoever, I am bragging…about yesterday. As I was beginning the 3.7 mile loop I’ve been doing regularly, I decided to really push myself rather than just go for the same old run. Checking my pace at the approximate ¼ waypoint I realized that I was really making good time despite having had to stop and wait at an intersection which I can usually run straight through. Recognizing the potentially great sense of accomplishment that would come from finishing with my fastest time yet for this loop, I pushed even harder. By the half way point I was beyond anaerobic and really struggling to keep speed. The last mile may have been the hardest mile I’ve ever run. But, I finished and took a look at my watch. Having waited at three intersections for approximately one minute total, I finished the loop in 24 minutes and 15 seconds.

Ignoring the intersection delays that’s just over a 6:30/mile pace. Factoring in the intersection time it’s just over a 6.15/mile pace. This is all well and good. But, today I was sitting at work and it dawned on me that I had initially calculated the 3.7 mile distance by simply taking the time of my first run of the loop and comparing it to a rough guess at my pace.

So I jumped on GoogleMaps, suspecting that the loop would actually be significantly shorter and this would explain my speedy time. However, plugging in all the intersections produced a distance of 3.9 miles! This means that for nearly four miles I maintained an average pace of 5 minutes and 58 seconds per mile!

One interesting note about this sub-6-minute pace is that just last Thursday I had joked about how I might be able to accomplish a six minute mile by the end of this challenge.

So why do politicians get paid so much when the job market is so small and there are always literal competitions to land each position? I mean, if the U.S. offered a salary of $1 for the position of president, I’m pretty sure people would still want the job.

And come to think of it, regarding truly powerful positions such as that of the president, why aren’t there laws in place that prevent the individual from acquiring any form of income during his service? Certainly the president should be provided with a comfortable living situation and all the basic necessities. But if the leader of our country was unable to benefit personally from any decision he should make, it would have to lead to a higher level of objectivity, wouldn’t it? Are there people/powers out there that prefer a leader who puts his own interests first?

I don’t claim to know the first thing about politics or economics — well I suppose I did just claim to know the first few things about economics, but you know what I mean — but there are plenty of people out there who do. Why aren’t the most intelligent people given the power, rather than those who can please an audience?

The first item arrived early afternoon via FedEx and after some configuration and reorganization, alleviated some pressure which had been the source of moderate irritation for a few years now. As illustrated in the photo below, the Western Digital 500 GB external hard drive (lower left) turned what was previously six almost-all-blue pie charts into seven mostly-pink pie charts. If you’re not sure what this means, right click on one of your PC’s hard drives and select ‘Properties’.

The second purchase was somewhat impulsive. I found myself at REI with two gift certificates and a strong desire to use them. However, in regards to an outdoor-gear-arsenal, I’m already well equipped. So, unable to purchase something I need, I purchased a replacement for an item which currently left me wanting. Now, instead of hauling around a five+ lbs., bulky, overly-warm sleeping bag (left), I’ll be packing the REI Kilo Flash 40°F ultra-light bag (right). Thanks to Julie, Jennie and Warren for the gift certificates.

Time to start planning this year’s backpacking trip!

It was especially crappy outside today, with cold rain and strong winds but apparently I’m getting my legs back because I shaved 40+ seconds/mile off of the pace I’ve been averaging.  If this acceleration continues (highly doubt it) I’ll be running six minutes miles by the end of this challenge!

When I arrived home from work today I had received three copies of the Ship Harbor Yacht Charters Inc. 2008 Yacht Charters brochure. Filling the entire center page, which measures a full 8.5×11″ is this gorgeous photo taken by me on a sailing trip in Desolation Sound last August (the print looks a lot better than the digital image). Unfortunately, someone failed to print my photo-credit and I’ll certainly be taking that issue up with the company’s owner, who explicitly said that it would be included.

In year’s past I’ve juggled/unicycled/slacklined my way into a few publications here and there and I recall resulting comments about how that sort of thing happens when you live in a smaller town with no real news (La Crosse, WI/Olympia, WA). Well, now I’m in Portland, OR and I still got on TV. So now all you cynics can go ahead and admit that you were actually just jealous. Anyway, Oregon Public Broadcasting did a short special on the Reed College Juggling Club which I attend each week. They now put their shows online so you can watch it and me here:

Oregon Art Beat — Portland Juggling

What did you do today?

Below is Eric. He is the best behaved and enjoys posing for photos. Pictures of the rest are coming soon.

Well it turns out that the trail I hoped to run along has no access points for a stretch of nearly four miles. This left me running for almost a half hour before I reached the trail, a half hour on the trail and not quite another half hour to get home. The run felt great and the blinding sun felt even greater but after more than 10 miles I’m fairly certain I’m going to be hurting tomorrow. Needing to run four of the next six days, I’ll have to recover quickly.

Last year I didn’t fair as well. I attempted a juggling challenge of maintaining five-ball for 120 catches (24 x 5 balls = 120) but after an hour of frustration, I gave up. I also went on a 24 mile bike ride which really isn’t a significant challenge.

I failed to plan ahead for this year and when my birthday arrived I had nothing arranged. I’d already done the juggling thing and the unicycling thing and the bicycling thing. I had considered running 25 miles but having only run twice since moving to Portland, the aftermath of such a run — assuming I could complete it — would likely include permanent injuries.

I decided not to worry about it and instead this birthday’s theme was more one of over-indulgence. Friday night (technically pre-birthday), Anna and I went out for dinner at a little place called the Delta Cafe, featuring southern cuisine (I strongly recommend this place for their awesome food and super cheap beer…they have 40′s of PBR). After a complimentary mound of extra-shiny (greasy) sweet potato fries, my meal consisted of a half rack of BBQ ribs, ¼ BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes ‘n gravy and some collard greens…with pork in them. Finishing every last bite was a physical challenge to be sure, but not exactly of the healthy variety. Death was nearly imminent when we arrived back at home where the heart attack was chased off with a hearty bowl of ice cream.

Waking on my birthday, with hunger still a distant memory, we enjoyed some complimentary coffees at a local shop (thanks to the parents for the Chinook Book), and walking by Trader Joe’s on the way home, made an astounding discovery at the Limbo’s produce market that is attached. There are 3-4 lb. bags of produce on a rack and every bag is $1. The items inside are discounted seemingly because they are nearing the end of their ripe stage. We scored a delicious-week’s worth of veggies for $2. This is definitely going to be a staple.

Not much later we set out heading southeast for Mt. Hood National Forest where we were planning on enjoying the Bagby hot springs. Nearing our destination we encountered many feet of snow on an unplowed road. After a weak attempt at pushing through, we were forced to turn around (with much needed aid from a friendly guy with a shovel) only to encounter a line of other cars also trying to make it to the springs. With less than one lane and zero possibility of passing, a lot of backing up ensued. Although we missed out on the springs, driving in the snow was pretty fun.

On the way back, we stopped at the Fearless Brewing Company in Estacada where my birthday earned us a free beer sampler. After some bread ‘n bratwurst fondue, a couple pints and a tremendous game of scrabble (I won) we were back on our way home.

En route, we swung by REI to put a gift card to use (thanks Warren) and I picked up a great juggling shirt and some more socks to add to the post-Christmas pile (thanks Julie). Feeling bloated and cramped wasn’t enough to stop us from passing through the Krispie Kreme drive-thru to collect my free birthday doughnut (at all other times Krispie Kreme is a total rip-off). And of course, just before arriving home, we added on a couple Dairy Queen Blizzards; also a complimentary birthday treat.

Around this time I was thinking that it might be feasible to have my challenge be ingesting 25,000 calories in a 24-hour period but a bit of debate quickly and thankfully put that idea down.

So, getting back to this year’s challenge: Instead of having a single event-challenge, I’ve decided that in the spirit of countering the damage done on my birthday, I’m going to take on a running challenge after all. Only, the challenge will involve far more than 25 miles. Starting today, I’m going to run five days each week for five weeks with a minimum allowable run of 30 minutes (approximately 4.25 miles).

Though I’m not particularly concerned with my weight, I am concerned with stats so I went out and performed my first old-person act by purchasing a scale. Today I am at 148 lbs., four or five lbs. over where I’d like to be.

My only concern going into this challenge is a sore knee as a result of a slight hyper-extension incurred on a bad fall off of a giraffe at juggling club last week. If today’s run proves aggravating, I may have to postpone the challenge by a week.

Wish me luck!

The hike consisted of a steep but relatively short climb and just before reaching the lava fields, the trail passed through a high clearing, presenting a great view of the three nearby volcanoes. In the photo below, Fuego is on the left, Acatenango next and Agua is the prominent and perfectly shaped cone center-stage. The town of Antigua is tucked away directly behind Agua.

From this knoll, but in the opposite direction, Pacaya loomed over us with a glowing river of lava flowing down one side. With no mention of special precaution, our guide directed us all out onto the lava fields.

With lava continually flowing into the field and cooling to form new rock, the landscape varies from moment to moment. Up on the hill just moments earlier, a powerful wind had given most of us an intense chill but after a couple minutes amidst the lava, everyone was roasting.

Distant hot spots could be discerned by their light refraction (like over a hot road) but more often they went unnoticed until we were right on top of them. Sometimes areas which appeared to be solid stone, consisted of only a thin crust covering still-liquid lava. One careless step could have certainly put a damper on the trip, but this is where the stick really came in handy. (Turn your volume up a bit)

Even without breaching the surface, standing so close to these hot spots was bearable for only a couple of seconds. By this time, more than a few people were even having problems with the soles of their shoes melting away.

Moving along we came face to face with lava flowing over the surface and watched as it cooled, creating new formations in minutes.

Growing tired from the heat, as well as the effort required to navigate this dangerous landscape, we were all happy to retreat to the cool and soft land beyond the lava field. On the way down, everyone snapped many pictures from the view point and although similar to the photo posted above, I feel compelled to post one from this return trip as well. The clouds provided better contrast or something.

Back at the trailhead, we climbed on the shuttle and returned to Antigua to grab our gear but immediately after, found a chicken bus headed for Guatemala City. Along the way we had a thorough conversation with the driver and assistant about where we intended to get off. We then made the mistake of explaining that we were hoping to find a hostel somewhat near the airport so that we would be able to catch our flight in the morning which would depart before the buses began running. The driver insisted that we get off elsewhere and as I realized that we were heading in the completely wrong direction, we basically had to yell at them to let us off. Though buses could have taken us back towards the airport, it was still early in the afternoon so we decided to walk the rest of the way.

Dark blue line on the Progress Map

Next: Our last day in Guatemala

Anyway, yes I can see downtown from our kitchen window. I can see it better from the roof though so that’s where I went to take a picture. Turns out that someone planted a tree next to the house, specifically for roof access.

Iglesia de la Merced (Church of Mercy) – Inside were many scary almost-life-size Jesus figures; a bloody and emaciated Jesus on the cross, a calm but dead Jesus in a glass coffin, etc.

Central Park, where at any time, local teens can be found making out:

Interesting fountain at the center of central park. A woman’s ability to produce milk holds some spiritual significance among one or more of the common religions:

Early in the afternoon we joined a walking tour up to Cerra de la Cruz led freely by the local tourist police as a result of numerous muggings and other crimes which used to occur. Cerra de la Cruz translates to Hill of the Cross which is quite befitting of the hill we walked up which indeed has a big cross on it. Pretty much everyone has seen at least one picture taken from this site so I’m sure you’ll recognize it. Of greater interest to us was the outstanding view of Volcán de Agua. I don’t usually do black and white photography but for reasons yet unknown, it seemed appropriate here.

However, without the cross in the scene, I felt free to resume full-color captures.

By the end of this little tour, the sun was bearing down a bit too much so we grabbed some ice cream and retired to the hotel where I enjoyed a bit of juggling…still under the sun so really not much of a break at all.

Antigua is also well known for it’s cemetery which is packed full of countless mausoleums so our next ultra-touristy destination was there. On the way we passed through the market and finally sampled an interesting fruit which we had seen many times in our travels. They were identified as lychee but I just looked them up and they’re actually rambutans. The soft, exotic-looking outer shell peels off to reveal what feels like a gelatinous egg and tastes like a super juicy grape.

At the cemetery we were greeted with roaring, upbeat music from a band of many horns and drums. Turns out that the holiday of Todos Santos lasts a couple days. Everything within the cemetery walls was blindingly white, save for the intricate flower bouquets which decorated nearly every surface.

There is a small chapel at the center of the cemetery but there appeared to be some significant service taking place so we decided not to intrude.

Having been so impressed the night before, we returned to the same restaurant by our hotel for another round of massive burritos and later, found ourselves at Club 2000 — about the tackiest club name I’ve ever encountered — not really enjoying the overpriced drinks and bad service.

The following morning we once again rose before the sun to catch our shuttle to Volcán Pacaya, a continually active volcano which we would spend the morning climbing.

Brown line on the Progress Map

Next: Volcán Pacaya and back to Guatemala City one last time

But I didn’t go for the music. I was admitted for free along with a few other local jugglers, in exchange for offering free lessons to anyone willing to give it a shot. The lighting was horrendous for juggling but I still had a good time…especially since my five-club and seven-ball seemed to be quite on. I was also quite pleased after multiple spectators, having watched me for some time, proceeded to ask if I was a professional. Ego++;

When we finally reached this cemetery, we encountered an aspect of this culture which sharply contrasts our own. While graves, and the cemetery in general, are considered holy or spiritual or whatever you want to call it, there is no doctrine or superstition in regards to how one should act in their presence. Children race all over jumping from one grave to the next, playing usual children’s games. Whole families congregate on top of mausoleums for a better view or a clear space to launch their kites. Without close inspection, the whole scene just looks like a typical festival…which it is.

Everyone participates in kite-flying. Young children run around with contraptions which wouldn’t be worthy of a dollar store and rarely leave the ground, while teams of adults work out complex strategies for launching meticulously crafted sails exceeding three meters in diameter. Once these larger kites are aloft, they gradually climb until they are almost out of sight. Meanwhile, the pilots scurry all over the place, struggling to maintain a grip on the lines.

At the western-most end of the cemetery (not sure if the direction has significance) stood three immobile kites measuring at least ten meters in height. Being supported only at the base, I have no idea how they don’t blow over with the slightest gust of wind.

As daylight faded, we found a bus to Antigua where we would be spending the night. Our first accommodations there, nearly two weeks earlier, cost us about six times the price of most other hostels, so we hoped to find a better deal this night. Fortunately, a couple of young Belgians on our bus — they had been traveling for “…only six or seven months now” — were headed to just such a place and invited us to accompany them. We landed a private room with a spacious communal area at Pasada Ruíz; at a rate more on par with that to which we had become accustomed. As an added bonus there was a tiny restaurant next door featuring enormous burritos for about $1.50.

After a long day of busing, walking, navigating crowds and the final blow of overeating, we collapsed into bed.

Turquoise line on the Progress Map

Next: Antigua again…but this time with photos and good weather

The crowd dispersed as the daylight faded and we once again made a tremendous meal from leftovers and various market purchases.

A number of hours following this dinner were spent on the doorstep of our hotel conversing with other young travelers, primarily about everyones’ experiences with languages. Everyone else was from somewhere in Europe and had a non-English first language. English was typically the second language and most had a solid grasp of Spanish as well as at least one other language. Among the six people present I would guess there were over ten languages with Anna and I only contributing two which everyone else had anyway. It came as a great shock to these other travelers, that we had not been forced to learn at least a second language early on in our education. After many such encounters on this trip, I find myself disappointed about this as much as they were surprised. Now you may be thinking that I had plenty of opportunity to learn another language in school…which is true. But, the easy time to do so came well before I was given that option and when the option was actually presented, I was thirteen and had no sense of the value of such a skill.

We hit the town in search of entertainment but in true style of all things trendy in underdeveloped countries, came across a bar that was bumping Big Willie Style. On top of such ridiculousness, the club boasted a special deal like those seen at steakhouses where a courageous customer consumes some obscene quantity of food for a reward/free meal. Except here, the deal was: drink six long island iced teas and you get the seventh for free. I can’t say for certain, but I’m assuming such a promotion would be quite illegal in the states.

Many more aspects of this club turned us off and eventually we ended up just buying a liter of Sol (a beer that is similar to Carona yet superior in both price and taste) and returning to the hotel to play cards on the roof.

We woke early again the next morning and surprise, surprise…watched another gorgeous sunrise.

I ended up taking excessive photos of this rise and so many turned out well so instead of choosing one, I settled on five…but assembled them into a progressive sequence.

With remaining fruit, granola and even some yogurt which was certified in Madison, WI, we made a refreshing but massive breakfast. It may have led to the first food coma I’ve experienced which was induced primarily by fruit.

Packing up, we went to meet a bus to San Lucas but missed it by just a couple minutes. An hour later, when the next bus was to depart, we were told that no more buses would be headed for San Lucas because of the holiday. Refusing to believe this, we waited around for another hour before catching a bus which would at least take us in the direction of the main highway. As this bus climbed the walls surrounding Lake Atitlán, cornering around switchbacks that would seem tight on a bicycle, we enjoyed one last expansive view of the area.

When we reached the highway, the driver, aware of our intended destination, pointed to another bus and basically implied we should run to catch it. This convenient timing proved a bit of a mixed blessing as both of us were eager to relieve full bladders but had no choice but to immediately take what was perhaps the only bus going where we needed to go. Nearly three hours later we met the nicest young Guatemalan of the entire trip at a coffee shop where he let us use the restroom without purchase.

Our intent for this holiday was to reach the town of Santiago Sacatepéquez where an enormous kite festival takes place each year. Our guide book implied we were just over a mile away so we found the right road and started walking. About an hour later, as our packs were growing heavy, we were growing skeptical of the guidebook’s accuracy. After what was probably closer to four miles we reached the small town where the narrow streets were overflowing with those congregating for the festival.

Yellow line on the Progress Map

Next: Santiago Sacatepéquez and back to Antigua

Eventually I tracked down a bottle and the final product turned out well. I tried some new Jell-o flavors (tropical fruit combinations rather than the standard cherry and lime) and they are quite delicious.

The group teaches various classes regarding movement and some of the current performers came to the show through these classes. If for any reason my career in software doesn’t work out, Do Jump — or something like it — may be my next pursuit.

A couple of the performers also further inspired me to continue working on hand balancing. I may have to get some of those handstand platforms so I’d be forced to learn a press handstand.

So, moral type amendments I would do away with:

• First Part of Amendment 1 – Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;
  • I could go into way too many details on this one
• Amendment 2 – A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.
  • Given the current state of things, I find it necessary to support rights to carry firearms because of the statistics regarding violent crime in the presence-of vs. the lack-of such laws. However, I’m pretty amazed that so many people are totally ok with the amount of firearms which are made available. People always say that if you ban guns, all you do is give criminals the benefit of knowing that others don’t have guns. But what if you ban the production of guns aside from military and enforcement needs? Certainly their will be illegal production but it obviously won’t compare to the market that exists today. And then there are the hunters. If you live in a hunter/gatherer civilization or hunt because it is truly an economically wise means of meeting some of your fundamental needs, then I am willing to listen to your pro-hunting argument. Other than those minuscule minorities, I don’t think it’s justified.
• Amendment 3 – No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
  • First of all, this doesn’t seem likely to come into play in the future but that’s hardly reason to do away with it. However, if it is going to remain, the last little phrase seems like a direct contradiction to part of Amendment 5: nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
• Amendment 7 – In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved…
  • I have no problem with this but think it’s funny that it was deemed necessary to define a minimum value which apparently has not changed with inflation.
• Amendment 8 – …nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted
  • Forms of punishment that are actually appropriate such that they correspond directly to the crime committed are usually considered unusual simply because they don’t consist of either a fine, imprisonment, or some combination of the two. Community service is an exception but is generally limited to minor crimes. There was a good Boston Legal episode about the pros of unusual punishment.
• Amendment 14 – It’s really long but there is one section — which I don’t think I’ve ever read prior to just now — that says you pretty much can’t take any higher office if you’ve previously participated in a rebellion against that office. So where as many countries value their history of revolting and replacing the government, ours denies the possibility to do so. But, I suppose a true revolt would generally involve breaking a law here and there and the constitution would do little to stand in it’s way.

Alright, well I’m getting a little bored with this so I’m sure you are too. But here’s what I’m thinking; there is plenty of good in the constitution but putting it in the constitution just makes it a problem when our society changes…which is happening at an accelerating rate. If those issues were established as regular old laws they wouldn’t be viewed as so absolute and would then be open for adaptation to new situations which could not have been predicted when the law was originally written.

A few photos:

Horsetail Falls

Ponytail Falls

Some river along the trail.

Winter greenery:

Triple Falls

After the first hike we continued northeast to check on Jenil’s yurt. It was still standing…and there was snow!

The more recent hike was up to Angel’s Rest, passing Coopey Falls on the way. We climbed this one yesterday and though it was quite brisk outside, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky…at least not above us.

Plants along the Angel’s Rest trail

Panoramic of Angel’s Rest with a river of cloud flowing down the gorge in the background.

Jenil and Anna near the point of Angel’s landing

The gorge

A tree

Group shot

After the descent we all celebrated Anil’s birthday (a bit late since the actual day was also Thanksgiving) with lunch at Fire on the Mountain; a hot-wings joint. After loads of delicious greasiness and samples of some flaming hot sauces, we cooled our palettes with some interesting ice creams at a little snack shack near Jenil’s home. The flavors ranged from a delicious but relatively traditional cinnamon, to an experimental but also-tasty maple syrup and bacon…with lots of actual bacon.

All in all a pretty good day, though the digestive challenge of lunch kind of knocked me out for the afternoon.

In order to perform the task at hand I am being provided with a laptop which will also be a first for me. I hope I don’t hate it as much as I hate most laptops.

We hiked down near the water’s edge — literally down, the entire town of San Pedro is on a steep slope — where we met our private guide for the day, Julio. Turning right around, we all hiked for about a half hour along various roads until reaching the new visitor center for the recently established national park of Volcán San Pedro. Without a moments hesitation, we continued our ascent of the volcano. The trail was not originally developed for hiking, but rather to provide access to the farmlands on the mountainside. As such, no attempt has been made to create a trail which can accommodate the novice hiker. Rather than installing switchbacks to provide a longer, but more level trail, this route made straight for the peak. Gaining 5000′ of elevation in 2.5 kilometers meant that the average grade was about 60%. Compare this to very steep roadways which rarely exceed 10% and you might get an idea of the intensity of this climb through the thick and lush forest.

But, Anna and I are awesome, and Julio does this all the time, so we made it from the water’s edge to the peak in just under three hours with little stop for rest. At the top, the forest began to open up providing endless views in almost all directions. Anna quickly spotted Volcán Santa Maria to the West, which she had climbed a few weeks earlier.

We had heard that San Pedro had to be climbed early because by mid-morning, the clouds roll in, enveloping the mountain tops and hiding the scenery. We managed to beat the clouds by a few minutes but looking over the cliff’s edge we could see them rapidly rising towards us. In fact, they rose so quickly that during my camera’s ten-second timer, a cloud lifted into view, throwing off the auto-exposure and ruining this picture…sort of.

We were a bit disappointed, having only had a couple minutes to reap the benefits of our climb, but sat down to enjoy the sun and some snacks. We had brought a couple sweet breads (basically cake) which were outstanding and a whole pineapple (~$0.50) which may have been the best I’ve ever had. As we finished off every last bite, the clouds which had continued to swirl all around us, began to clear and eventually we had an unimpeded view in all directions again.

On a totally unrelated note, I can do sustained handstands now. With a number of friends also refining their skills in this feat, I felt compelled to show off with a nice background. The volcanoes seen below are Atitlán (right), Tolimán (front and center) and in the distant left are two adjacent volcanoes near Antigua; Volcán de Auga and Volcán de Fuego. The latter of these — translating to volcano of fire — erupts on a small scale quite regularly. In fact, a few minutes later we saw a massive cloud of dark smoke billowing up from this mountain.

At such a high elevation above much of our surroundings, many of the views felt much like those more often seen from a plane. At the base of Tolimán is the town of Santiago Atitlán.

After an hour or so we reluctantly felt compelled to get out of the sun and begin our descent. At the same time, the clouds rolled back in providing some nice contrast among the volcanoes.

I realize this is a lot of photos from the same place — I took well over 200 on this hike — but I wanted to include this last one mostly for the long, thin, and very fake looking cloud in the sky. In the photo and in person as well, it really looked like it had been painted out there.

The descent took about half as long but was quite demanding on the knees and ankles. But again, it was extremely humbling when we passed a number of farmers who were carrying upwards of 200 lbs of wood each, from two-thirds of the way up the mountain…and would be doing so two or three times that day…and the loads were supported with a rope slung over the top of their heads with only a small towel for padding. There were even children as young as eight or nine years, carrying only slightly smaller bundles down this rugged trail.

Along the descent, I listened in as Anna and Julio, a 17-year-old native Mayan who spoke Spanish as a second language, conversed about the political situation in Guatemala and the corresponding craziness associated with the elections which would happen four days later. I was able to make out most of what was said and we were both impressed with Julio’s knowledge of his country’s political history. It was especially interesting to hear him speak of past presidents and current candidates much in the way that many American’s speak of Bush. He did make it clear that he would have been disappointed if we were supporters of our current president.

As we neared the town we spotted some avocado trees and bushels of harvested avocados awaiting transport to the market where the fruit costs about $0.75/dozen.

Passing through the same market we grabbed some tamales (basically a corn-mush stuffed with a small piece of meat and some spices. It’s then baked a bit in a corn husk and the result is quite filling and super cheap but not entirely satisfying) for lunch and returned to our hotel to relax.

Bright pink line on the Progress Map

Next: More time in San Pedro and onto Santiago Sacatepéquez

On the way to our hotel we had passed a number of nicer restaurants that looked as if they catered to the tourist scene by offering gourmet meals, fancy coffee drinks and free movies nightly. Young Australians and Europeans were everywhere. We consumed about half of a massive spaghetti dinner at one restaurant and then sat down for hot chocolate and Donnie Darko at another. The movie ended around midnight, making this easily our latest night on the trip thus far.

Despite the late night, we woke early the following morning and were well rewarded as the sun rose over the mountains at the far side of the lake. The mountain centered in this photo is Volcán Tolimán and the nearer mountain on the right is Volcán San Pedro. Between and beyond them, only the peak of the much taller and larger Volcán Atitlán can be seen.

Moments later I took this next photo from the window of our $2/night room.

Conveniently, there were stairs (as seen on the left of the photo above) which lead to more stairs which then lead to the roof of our building. From there we enjoyed an uninterrupted panorama of the lake for the duration of the sunrise.

Hitting the town to explore and find breakfast, we came upon a trail near the water’s edge which provided access to a wide variety of farmland, resorts and other services. The following three photos were taken within 20 feet of each other. The first features Volcán San Pedro.

At the end of this trail we found a small comedor where we relished in a breakfast with no beans, no eggs and no tortillas. The coffee still wasn’t great.

Satisfactorily refueled, we decided to take a hike to the neighboring towns. Buying some super cheap snacks from the market and finding the only road that leads out of town, we made our way towards San Juan. Though much of Guatemala is very Catholic, the towns on this lake seemed especially vehement. Along our walk, nearly every home and business had something like the sign below painted on the walls.

As we made good time curving around to the North side of the lake, we discovered great views of San Pedro and the volcanoes.

Just before reaching San Pablo, our turn around point for this hike, two young boys on the street noticed my camera and insisted that I take their photo. It seems only right that I give them some Internet publicity as well.

All along this road, and filling practically every acre surrounding the lake, were farms growing a variety of crops; one of which was coffee.

When we finally reached San Pablo, we could see why tourists generally stick to San Pedro. The only thing that seemed to be happening here was locals spreading firewood out under the hot sun to dry. Despite decent roads and numerous trucks in the area, much of this wood is transported from miles away on the backs and heads of very small but amazingly strong people. Though you’d never guess it by Anna’s towering over them at about five feet tall, the two locals in the photo below are not children.

We returned to our room in San Pedro as three hours of hiking under the hot sun began to wear us down. Our hotel had a modest kitchen — a propane camp stove and some dishes — so we decided to see if we could prepare a dinner that might offer a bit more flavor and substance than the typical Guatemalan fare. Mixing some garlic and mushrooms into the last night’s leftover spaghetti and adding a side of fresh rolls with guacamole (which we also made), we managed to produce the best meal of the trip…at least until this point. And the whole meal cost about 25 cents each. Sitting outside, we ate by candlelight as the sun set and despite stuffing ourselves to a state of discomfort, we still had leftover spaghetti.

Back at D’Noz, the restaurant where we had spent the previous evening, we enjoyed some good beer and Hot Fuzz (highly recommend this movie). Afterwards, I returned to the roof of our hotel to capture an appropriate end to a very photogenic day.

Turning in late again, we tried to cram some sleep into the few hours before the adventure that would come early the next morning.

Dark green line on the Progress Map

Next: Volcán San Pedro

It was still early afternoon so we grabbed some lunch and walked across the causeway to Flores. As you can see on this map, Flores is a tiny island (less than ¼ mile across) but it’s packed with tourist accommodations. We took ourselves on a walking tour of the island (only takes about thirty minutes) and ended up in the modest central park seeking shade from the hot sun. Growing bored with that, I took some more time for juggling.

A bit later we moved to a small restaurant on the water for some delicious guacamole, drinks and the sunset. Some time after returning to the bus station in the dark, our bus arrived quite late and everyone packed in. Every seat was full when we departed. Two to three hours and ten to twelve stops later, the isle was also packed with people standing or sitting on little plastic stools. By this time we were really wishing we had been able to take the first class bus.

After ten+ hours, the sun began to rise and we found ourselves just outside of Guatemala city but stuck in traffic. It also seemed that the bus was not doing well after so many hours of continual use as it struggled desperately to make it up some of the larger hills. It was another two hours before we were able to end this horrible experience but it was hard to complain too much seeing as how numerous people had endured the entire night in the isle.

Grabbing a quick beans-and-eggs breakfast at a not-so-sanitary comedor (I don’t understand how a restaurant can operate without running water…or how a restaurant in the middle of the biggest city in the country can fail to have running water), we hopped right onto another bus, this time heading for Panajachel on Lago de Atitlán. This trip was only about 40 miles yet due to traffic and frequent stops, managed to last upwards of four hours.

In Panajachel we went straight to the docks and hopped on a boat for the small town of San Pedro on the other side of the lake. It was a cold and windy day and the enormous lake had some serious chop. Disembarking with bruised tail-bones we were ecstatic to be done with sixteen hours of uncomfortable traveling, during which we had traversed most of the way across the country.

We checked in at the Hotel San Francisco, landing a private room, bathroom and shower with an amazing view of the lake for only $13…for both of us…for three nights. After treating ourselves to some ice cream and much needed showers we happily passed out for the remainder of the afternoon.

Bright blue line on the Progress Map

Next: San Pedro on Lago de Atitlán

So when calling Comcast to get our own connection, I was fully prepared to tell them that I would not pay the $100 “installation” fee. Last year it was $50 and even that is ridiculous. With the appropriate cables already installed — as they are in most homes — the installation consists of attaching the cable modem and relaying the modems address to Comcast. They try to justify the installation costs by giving the technician some pointless tasks like setting up Comcast email and other unnecessary software on the customer’s computer. Technically a computer isn’t even needed to initiate a cable modem connection.

So while speaking with the sales person I simply said, “I am reasonably well educated in the details of networking. I know that the installation process and outrageous fee is a huge scam and I do not want any Comcast software installed on my computer anyway.” Fully prepared to continue after the representative replied with some scripted response, I was happily surprised to hear, “Okay then, we’ll just go ahead and give you half off of the installation fee.”

This leads me to believe that Comcast informs their salespersons that this is a scam and instructs them to accommodate customers who know this to be true, rather than have so many customers get fed up with the ripoff that it becomes exposed to a majority of customers.

So next time you find yourself subscribing to internet services, just tell them you’re not going to pay the installation fee. If enough people do this, the ISPs may have to start offering free installation altogether; something which I suspect would be common if broadband ISPs didn’t have natural monopolies.

I put on my headphones, turned towards the lake (away from the sun) and started in on an excellent juggling session. Despite a week without practice, my skills were extremely “on”. Eventually a stray ball flew behind me and, turning around to get it, I found I had gathered an audience consisting of most of the children from the rally. I worked the crowd for awhile with some showy tricks, and as is typically the case, some of the kids eventually insisted on trying. This quickly turned into a competition to see who could throw my balls highest/farthest-away. With my best Spanish I attempted to recall my gear but eventually wound up one ball short. Thankfully, a couple of the teenagers in the group had a good idea of which little kid probably ran off with the ball and he was promptly tracked down and seemingly lectured by these older kids. It was a nice surprise to see young-ish locals making an effort to maintain good relations with the tourists who support their town.

After another sunset over the lake and dinner at Comedor Susana, we gave in to exhaustion and turned in early. Rising early the next morning we grabbed breakfast before taking another dip in the oddly warm lake.

We packed our gear and left El Remate on foot, heading for the Ixlú ruins just a mile away. The view along this short jaunt was quite acceptable.

These ruins are a relatively recent discovery and almost no progress has been made on unearthing the numerous structures so the site paled in comparison to Tikal, but it was still a nice little hike through the woods. Returning to the main road we caught a bus headed for Santa Elena.

Light orange line on the Progress Map

Next: Flores to San Pedro on Lago de Atitlán

Following the main path towards the ruins, we were quickly immersed in the jungle. Though we could never quite see them clearly in the dense canopy, large monkeys could be heard hooting and howling as they cruised effortlessly (presumably) along the upper reaches of the forest.

When the trees eventually cleared we found ourselves at the base of the backside of an enormous temple. Trying to make our way around to the front we saw a small tunnel leading under said temple and decided to explore. I just so happened to have my headlamp in my pack so I went about digging it out as Anna began inching into the darkness. Much to my delight, a very large and dark butterfly –or possibly a bat — flew out giving Anna quite a scare and me, some quality entertainment. With my lamp, I proceeded into the tunnel which ended only about fifty feet later. As I was about to turn back I noticed the horrifying creature below. At the time I had assumed it was a spider but looking at it now, it would appear to be an insect. I attempted to get my hand in the picture for a sense of scale but could not force myself close enough. Excluding the super long antennae, it was about the size a hand spread wide-open.

Eagerly leaving the tunnel, we continued around the temple and numerous adjoining ruins until we found a path which led us onto the Grand Plaza. This level field is surrounded by ruins on all sides with two towering temples at the East and West ends and extensive acropoli to the North and South. Having arrived early, we were fortunate to see this area before the hordes of tourists swarmed later on. Below is the cleverly named Temple II which is at the West end of the plaza.

We moved on to view some of the more remote and less spectacular ruins, many of which are clearly discernible despite having not yet been unearthed. The mound of earth and plants seen below is a small-ish pyramid.

At the western edge of the park is Temple IV which in addition to being located upon a large hill, is the tallest temple in the area. After climbing an incredibly steep set of temporary, wooden stairs we were presented with an endless view of the jungle, broken only by the protruding tops of temples I, II and III.

By this time our legs were feeling the burn from hundreds of steep stairs and the sun was up in full force making it way too hot to remain above the shelter of the jungle for long.

We came across our first guided tour group as we were checking out the Lost World Pyramid. Unlike the temples, this structure just has a flat surface on top and is suspected to have been used as an astronomical viewing platform. Unfortunately it is currently off limits for climbing and as we walked by the tour group, we heard the guide explaining that a few years back five visitors had stumbled and died while trying to descend from the top. This picture does not really capture the steepness but in person it is easy to see how a single slip could lead to an unstoppable tumble. Still, I would have liked to have scrambled up there.

Continuing on we found Temple V. I’m pretty sure the stairs here were steeper than any previously seen but a wooden stair case had been built on the side to allow access to the top. These ~100 stairs were far steeper than the actual temple but featured a semi-comforting hand rail. Facing North, this temple provided a nice view as well as a shady spot to have a snack.

Our six+ hour hike/climb neared an end as we looped back to the Grand Plaza which, as I mentioned before, was now swarming with tourists. With the sun now high enough, I was able to get some pictures of the iconic Temple I.

Returning to the park entrance thoroughly exhausted, we climbed back on our bus and returned to El Remate with the day only half over.

Gray Line on the Progress Map

Next: El Remate to Flores

So instead I just threw a short video compilation together. All of the footage was captured on the last day after half of the attendees had left, so it doesn’t necessarily capture the full breadth of what the festival had to offer. It begins with a couple entries from a first-time-event; footbag choreography, and then continues with clips from the best-trick competition. The clip comes to a close with the two jugglers who were able to stay in the five-club endurance competition long enough for me to run and grab my camera. I’m going to enter that last one next year…and win?

RTA: ~3 min. I suggest watching the clip in full size primarily because its pretty hard to see the footbags in motion otherwise.

Edit: I’m not super happy with GoogleVideo right now. I keep trying to upload higher quality versions of this video and in addition to taking many hours to upload, when finally available the video is terribly corrupted. Might have to switch to YouTube.

If you’re unfamiliar with the animated series, it was created by Matt Groening, creator of The Simpsons, and ran for a couple years just before and after 2000. It was among the earlier animated shows to incorporate truly clever comedy based upon current events…a trait that is now the basis for shows like Family Guy and South Park.

I’m not going to go into details but I think the entire series is well worth anyone’s time and am hoping that the movie will live up to it’s name.

Our Australian dorm-mate from the previous night, Jimmy, had recommended the Hotel Sak Luk which we came across shortly. Although it’s decor was unique to say the least, it’s prices could not quite compete with Don Juan.

It was a perfectly sunny and hot day so we decided to take advantage of the Caribbean-blue Lake Petén Itza. In attempting to find access to the water’s edge, we were delighted to discover that any pier located anywhere on the enormous lake is public. Just down the road from our hostel we found a well-maintained pier with a thatch-roofed hut at the end. Dawning our suits, we jumped in to find that the water was easily over 80° F. It also featured a couple feet of soft, silty muck at the bottom which when disturbed, would release bubbles of sulfurous-smelling gas. Keeping our feet up, we enjoyed the warm water and spent a good chunk of time just lying around on the pier.

Along the walk back to the hostel we picked up some rations for the following morning at Tikal and viewed some of the local “wild” life.

Some time later, as the sun began to set, we returned to our public — yet seemingly private — pier. Yes, I took this photo and yes, that is us sitting on the pier. Feel free to try to figure that one out.

Just across the street we found the quaint Comedor Susana and sat down for dinner. It was a bit of a special treat to eat here. We were the only customers this night and upon ordering, a number of children came out of the back room and hit the road in different directions. Moments later they each came back with one or two ingredients which had been purchased from other local vendors. Quite some time later, this assortment of items reappeared on our plates in the form of tacos. Susana apologized for the delay, explaining that they had to start a fire over which the meals were prepared. $2.45 each including a Coke.

Having left the highlands of central Guatemala, we were now amidst the malaria-infected-mosquito filled jungles of the North. This meant that I had my first opportunity to sleep with a mosquito net. Not really all that exciting. Don Juan had a very small library of donated and traded books from other tourists and among the few written in English I found one that just happened to fall into the limited category of books that I have a hard time putting down. So the latest addition to my list of recommended books is Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. We spent the remainder of the evening reading beneath our cozy bug-barrier.

Morning arrived quickly and by that time we were on a bus nearing Tikal.

Pink line on the Progress Map

Next: Tikal and back to El Remate

Well we’ve lucked out. It turns out that the United States Atheists (USA) organization was founded and is based here in Portland and also operates the first Atheist Community Center to be established in the US. Anna came across this awesome find just yesterday and last night there happened to be a special event: Atheist and Catholic Dialog Night. I later found out that the idea for the event was brought about by the Catholics which was a bit of a surprise to me.

The event took place just a few blocks from our home and consisted of a panel of six persons; three representing the USA (including the president of the organization), and three lay-Catholics sharing their opinions rather than attempting to represent the church.

It was nice to see a relaxed exchange with very little accusation or heated confrontation. Though attendees were never polled or questioned about their own beliefs, during an open Q&A at the end it became apparent that a majority of the crowd were atheists and this included, to our further surprise, a significant population of elderly individuals.

Now I certainly have a biased perception but after the event, when speaking with a self-proclaimed fundamentalist Catholic of 70+ years (who muttered in disgust throughout the entire 90 minute dialog and was overheard saying things like “Sagan the Pagan” in reference to the late Carl Sagan) we both agreed that the Catholic panel was made up of very bad Catholic’s who did little to convey any upside to their faith.

When the Catholics were asked, “Why are you Catholic?” two of three proclaimed they were raised as such and all three brought up what the church community provides for them emotionally and socially. Believe it or not, none of them ever mentioned God in response to this question.

Repeatedly, it was admitted that the bible is not to be taken literally (except for some parts), but rather it offers many metaphors as a means of teaching the right way of life. When asked why the story of Jesus could not also be a metaphor they all responded with a variation of, “Well, Jesus was a historical figure. He actually existed. Adam and Eve probably did not and even Moses is highly suspect. But Jesus was real.”

One of the Catholics repeatedly dismissed miracles (the Christian God’s only means of intervening with the physical world) saying that it doesn’t matter if Jesus actually walked on water and that researchers have shown how said water may have been frozen at the time of this happening. I really regret not standing up to ask the following as a continuation of this issue: If you choose to dismiss Jesus’s miracles in order to reassure others that you are a logical thinker, how can you decisively declare that the resurrection — Jesus’s/God’s most significant miracle — actually occurred.

As the discussion went on it was revealed that none of the Catholics really believe in the ideas of heaven, hell or original sin. They also don’t believe that non-Catholics are in anyway condemned. They all explicitly said that through their years they’ve developed their own faith and belief set. I, and I think the fundamentalist next to us, wanted to stand up and shout, “THEN YOU ARE NOT CATHOLICS!!!”.

After some tremendous cookies and drinks, we biked home while discussing how we’re pretty sure those Catholics are just atheists who don’t wish to lose their church community. If a Christian God existed, it would not be so just because people believed in it. Likewise, claiming a belief in God in order to better one’s life does not really make one a theist.

We checked in at a small resort on the water which caters to the sailing crowd but accommodates the occasional backpacker with some dormitories. We were a bit frustrated at having to pay double the rate which we were becoming accustomed to (~$4/each instead of $2) but had to accept that most things around here would cost a bit more.

On the ride into town we had read about the nearby historic Castillo de San Felipe and with just enough daylight left, decided we would walk the supposed three kilometers to check it out. Nearly an hour and a half later we concluded that those three kilometers were a by-crow measurement while the actual trek worked out closer to six. Approaching the gate we were further dismayed to find that the entry price had doubled in the past year and the hours-of-operation had shortened. With very little time left before closing we decided to pass and just treat the outing as a lengthy day-hike. There was plenty of nice scenery along the walk anyway.

Back in at the hotel, we sat down at the restaurant on the water and played cards for a bit while enjoying some cool drinks (there is no question about it, ice-cold Coke served in a glass bottle anywhere South of the states is unbeatable…and was my drink of choice for practically the entire trip).

We found another sort of comedor for dinner and had mixed feelings as we watched our meals being transferred from brand-name boxes in the freezer to a hot pan of oil and then to our plates. It was somewhat reassuring to know for once that the food was undoubtedly safe to eat but when in a country where fresh avocados are about $1/dozen, it’s a little disappointing to see guacamole being squeezed out of a bulk-purchase bag.

Turning in for the night we became acquainted with our Australian dorm-mate (young Australians were everywhere in Guatemala) who had just spent a year snowboarding in Canada, not too far from our own home.

Waking up the next morning we purchased our tickets to Flores. I’m not sure why the bus systems always refer to the nearest tourist destination rather than the actual destination but this bus would be dropping us in Santa Elena rather than Flores. For comparison, this would be like taking a bus to an airport but being dropped off in the nearest city instead. But we didn’t need to get to Flores anyway so that was fine.

Before departing we sat down to a wonderful pancake breakfast which was a welcome break from the beans and eggs. We then sat around at the station waiting for the bus which arrived nearly an hour late. The lost time was recovered though as this coach bus maintained well over 100 km/h along a continually winding road passing through numerous small towns. After three annoying and honestly, quite frightening hours of being rocked from one side to the other, we made it to Santa Elena in the early afternoon and promptly jumped on a microbus for the short trip onto El Remate.

Light green line on the Progress Map

Next: El Remate to Tikal

After paying the land-owner about $1 we walked back into the forested hills along a small river until we reached the spot we had come for. The river widened into a pool with a gorgeous waterfall all along one side.

Swimming at the base of any waterfall is a pretty good time but when the waterfall is fed by two natural hot springs and pours over the stone at 100° F, the experience reaches into an entirely different realm. Most of the water in the pool comes from the cool river but the waterfall brings the temperature up well above that of your typical swimming pool.

Climbing to the top of the falls we found a perfect spot to lounge around and enjoy the natural jacuzzi.

As an added bonus, the area was surrounded with plenty of interesting flora. I found these bizarre vines to be especially intriguing.

It was at this wonderful spot that I felt as if I was finally putting the stress of my missing pack behind me as we basked in these waters. I think one reason for this was that I finally had a chance to take the time for some worthwhile photography. Previously the weather had been uncooperative or we had been in less photogenic locations and I was fairly frustrated by not being able to capture some of these once-in-a-life-time experiences. However, even this spot provided it’s own complications as the hot waters kept steaming up my lens while trying to capture the shot below. We had discovered that by swimming under and behind the waterfall a sort of cavernous opening could be reached where we could re-emerge. This photo is of Anna coming back out from this space.

After many relaxing hours and a break for lunch, we dried off and returned back to the road just in time to see a bus coming by which would be the last for a couple of hours. We shouted and waved, pulling on our shoes as we ran with armfuls of gear. Climbing aboard, we were greeted by plenty of “crazy gringos” looks as we set off for Fronteras on the Rio Dulce.

As I was sitting down and packing my bag I noticed an opportunity to sneak a photo of the somewhat unusual way in which young children are often seen traveling. When the mother is not sitting down, the child is usually found slung over the back.

Light blue line on the Progress Map

Next: Fronteras to El Ramate

Now I’m in Portland and things have changed. First off, there are more pertinent job listings than I’ll ever be able to apply to. Secondly, there are many offers for free firewood with which we can make use of the two fireplaces in our new home. And thirdly, but certainly not lastly, we scored an awesome black leather couch this morning for free.  It is currently in the garage (yeah, we have a garage now!) undergoing some adaptations but should be fully installed by the time I get around to photo-documenting our new living space.

After breakfast we hit the markets and bought a bunch of oranges and bananas for a total of Q3 (~$0.45) and also made a stop at a panaderia (baked goods shop, one of our staples on the trip as the sweet breads, cakes and cookies are delicious and unbelievably cheap). As we were moving along we passed a meat vendor with an interesting item on display. I’m not sure if it was up for sale or just a means of advertisement but either way it was fairly unappetizing.

With a little time to spare before the bus to Paraiso departed, we walked to the shore of the enormous Lago de Izabel and then toured a bit around the city. According to our invaluable guide book there was supposed to be a park in town featuring a pond filled with crocodiles and turtles but when we found it, it was bone dry and void of life.

We then went about locating our bus and were directed to a street where we found some especially run-down buses that were beat-up to the point where just the sight of them had comedic value. After some further inquiry, we found that our bus was the worst of these as seen below. It was significantly worse on the inside. Click the photo for a short video of the riding experience. For the best simulation, turn your volume up until it hurts your ears and notice how the ratting windows make the ride sound much like a train.

Fortunately it was only about fifteen kilometers to Paraiso so the painful noise was short-lived.

Orange line on the Progress Map

Next: Paraiso to Fronteras on the Rio Dulce

But anyway, the funny incident: As we were eating, a pack of local kids, all easily under the age of five, came running past seemingly just playing in the street. The last little girl in this group noticed some tourists (us) and thought it would be funny to run up to the comedor entrance and make a sort of monstrous gesture; growling with her hands up in the air. I scrambled for my camera but was seconds too late to capture the scene, including the ten-inch kitchen blade she was wielding in one hand. By the time I had the lens cap off she was sprinting down the block to rejoin the group.

A bit later we were in Cahabón, a small town in the middle of nowhere. After checking into the Hostel Carolina we spent quite awhile touring the street markets and enjoying some nearly-free treats. I was also able to find a well-stitched pair of shorts to replace those that had been thoroughly destroyed by the previous day’s adventure. This picture is of a rarely seen, indoor portion of the markets and was by far the cleanest of the entire trip.

It quickly became apparent that we were not only the only Americans in town but even the only non-locals. This place was clearly not a tourist destination so there was a whole lot of staring going on. But one can’t really complain about being the center of attention so we made our way around the entire village, taking in the pleasant scenery. Eventually we sat down with some drinks at a comfy spot overlooking the whole town and I found a sense of familiarity in the view which I couldn’t place for quite some time.

I felt like I had experienced this setting before but knew I had never been anywhere like this in my life. Then suddenly it dawned on me. The reason that these worn-down, rusted-tin-roofed shacks placed in the middle of a jungle left me with a surreal feeling of comfort is that I have, in fact, meandered through such environments countless times before. The only difference is that until this day, these settings had been found only in computer games. If you’ve ever played one of the many Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon games you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Despite this unusual connection with my locale, I felt in no way compelled to equip a sniper rifle and find a bush from which I could survey my strategic position…which is probably a good thing. But having thought about gaming, I did find myself missing my computer a bit…which might be a bad thing.

As daylight faded we found ourselves playing cards in our hostel until a very loud bell began ringing outside. On a hunch we made our way to the nearest comedor and found that, as we suspected, it had been a dinner-bell. Sitting down among loads of local laborers we were served an extremely cheap and entirely unsatisfying meal which consisted of some decent rice and a bowl of broth with a scrap of chicken in it…and of course, tortillas. Despite costing approximately $1 we felt a little ripped off. Furthermore, we couldn’t believe that these laborers, who probably work 10+ hour days on the surrounding steep slopes, could sustain themselves on such a modest meal.

With not much to do and a bus departing at four in the morning, we retired especially early this night. We were fairly surprised when the bus arrived quite promptly and we crammed into the back for a very uncomfortable four hour ride. There is no developed road between Cahabón and El Estor, where we were headed, so instead this bus careened its way along a very rugged mountain pass which never once straightened out for more than two seconds. As it was still well before sunrise, all we could see was a small patch directly in front of the bus which always looked like either a spinning wall of trees or a cliff. As we bounced along, Anna and I both commented about how it imposed the exact same feeling as one of those virtual rides found at amusement parks. Perhaps around five in the morning the bus came across a rather steep and rutted hill. After a couple failed attempts at a running start, nearly everyone was asked to hop out and push. With a bus of this size I’m not really sure that pushing uphill can offer any reasonable aid but the greatly-reduced load seemed to do the trick.

Shortly after the sun rose we made it to El Estor and were desperately eager to get off this bus.

Black line on the Progress Map

Next: El Estor to Paraiso

With plenty of daylight left we threw on our suits and jumped in the river. The completely opaque and very fast moving water was a little intimidating but we found a small eddy and enjoyed the break from the heat and humidity. There was a tempting rope swing nearby which the resort staff continually encouraged us to use but having kicked a number of hidden logs in the water, we declined.

Feeling refreshed we set out on a short walk, crossing the river and heading for Semuc Champey, the premiere tourist destination in the area. The area is setup like a state park and has limited hours and entrance fees so we made plans to come back the following day when we would have more time.

On the return hike we noticed a sign for the Kan’Ba Caves and took a little detour down that way. In just a few minutes we came across a spectacular cascading waterfall.

There was a small hut nearby where we encountered another person employed by Las Marias and he told us about the cave entrance at the top of the falls and the guided tour which is offered at a discount to guests at the resort. Planning to sign up for the tour tomorrow, we continued on the trail to view the entrance. Immediately at the top of the falls pictured above is a calm pool where the water flows out from the cave. The anticipation was almost too difficult to endure. We moved further up the trail and found some excellent views of the river valley. The picture below is hardly of acceptable quality but I wanted to include a shot of my perfectly coordinated, market-bought outfit.

We returned to the resort where we enjoyed a larger, but still rather bland, plated dinner at the resort. By this time, a number of other traveler’s had arrived and everyone enjoyed the customary “Where are you from and what are you doing here?” conversations. A couple of especially nice young women had come from Texas and were on a very lengthy trip starting in Mexico and moving all the way down through Central America. Their months of travel made my two weeks — which seemed like a pretty lengthy stay to me — look like a quick layover.

After dinner, the lights, being powered by a generator, were turned off so we called it an early night. As such, we were awoken early the next morning to the roaring sound of insects, birds and the occasional rooster crow. When the sun came up the heat quickly followed and we spent a short time relaxing next to the sparkling river.

Mid morning we were escorted to the entrance of the Kan’Ba caves where we met Julio, our Mayan guide for the tour. As a Mayan, Spanish is his second language which meant that we didn’t do a whole lot of verbal communicating. In my past spelunking experience it’s been recommended that explorers wear warm and tough clothes, bring a minimum of two light sources, strap on a helmet and maybe even knee pads. For this tour we were sporting swimsuits, shoes selected from a pile used only for the cave tours and one candle each.

Entering the cave involved immediate submersion into the thankfully cool but not cold river. Julio did have one dim headlamp which he used primarily as a place to hold his candle as it burned ever closer to his hair. In moments we were completely cut off from external light and I was quite surprised at how much could be seen with a mere three candles. The cave was rarely tight but often reached pools of indiscernible depth which meant that while being very careful to hold our candles well above the surface, we would swim with one arm, hoping not to kick random submerged stalagmites too often. I don’t know if I can fully describe the sense of adventure that came from this primitive style of exploration but just understand that it was pretty sweet.

After coming across numerous bats and bizarre stone formations which rang like metal after a good knock, we found ourselves climbing across a sketchy, steep wall, far below which we could hear but not see the raging river. Just a little farther along we were again swimming and came around a corner to be confronted by a powerful wind which promptly blew out the candles. The source of this wind, as only illuminated by Julio’s headlamp, turned out to be a ~fifteen foot waterfall crashing into the pool where we were swimming. Adjacent to this waterfall was a wobbly old ladder which at first I thought Julio was directing us to climb. As I began to do just that, he stopped me and I realized he wanted us to go behind the ladder and waterfall where we found a small knotted rope hanging literally in the falls. After triple-checking that he in fact expected us to climb directly up into this torrent, we decided that Anna should go first…ya know, so I could spot her. With virtually no light, she braced her feet on the wall and began climbing as we were both thinking how one single slip could easily lead to immediate death or possibly worse; serious injury which this deep in the cave would lead to a long and slow death. Eventually she climbed out of my reach and with the roaring water I could neither see nor hear if she had made it. After enough time for her to have succeeded or failed critically, I began climbing. The power of the water was just astounding and it was quite frightening, not knowing how long it would be before I emerged at the top. But I did, and was greeted by a bit of light which allowed me to see the modest bamboo poles to which this rope was secured.

Our first reaction to the challenge was that it was super cool and we were no worse for wear but a short while later Anna discovered that the current had sucked out a contact lens, leaving her quite disoriented for the remainder of the trek. And a while after that I found that the crotch on my market-bought shorts, which we later discovered was hand stitched, had completely ripped out.

Edit: I can’t believe I almost forgot to mention this. Just after the crazy waterfall climb we came to another area where we had to swim. Julio had us stop for a second while he tried to communicate that there was a spot on the rock from which one could jump down into the water. Cliff-diving is generally considered a risky or stupid idea but to do it in the dark, into totally dark water which likely contains numerous stalagmites, in a cave where rescue would be hardly possible even if there was a rescue team within a hundred mile…well thats probably just risky AND stupid. We politely declined and watched very nervously as Julio climbed way higher than expected and leaped without hesitation. As you can probably guess, he came up just fine. End edit.

We reached a dead end in the cave with some more interesting formations and turned around to retrace our steps. By this time our candles had burned well past the halfway mark but thankfully we made better time on the descent and encountered natural light with approximately an inch of wax left among the three of us. The final leg of the cave tour package entailed a giant rope swing out over the river (an actual sit-down-swing, not the kind you jump off of) followed by tubing back to the resort. While a majority of the floating was along a calm and flat stretch, the first minute was pretty exciting as we entered right where the photo below was taken later on. Keep in mind that we had little car-sized inner tubes and no life-jackets or helmets as we navigated these class 3 rapids.

The amazing falls pictured above mark the lower edge of the Semuc Champey park. While plenty of water flows over these rocks, a vast majority of the river’s current plows its way through underneath. The lighter flow on top slowly makes its way through a series of pools which are warmed by the sun. After more than a day’s worth of adventure, it was not yet noon and so these pools were our intended destination for the afternoon. Much to our dismay, as we ate our lunch a torrential thunderstorm rolled in and lasted to the time that the park closed for the day. It was at this break in the weather that we hiked back up past the cave and took the above photo. Moments later the storm picked up again and we ran back to the resort to wait it out. A group of four young travelers from Germany had arrived in the afternoon and after dinner the six of us as well as the two girls from Texas sat around playing card games all night by candlelight as the generator could not operate in the rain.The Germans were also on nearly year-long trips, exploring all corners of the world.

With a foreknowledge of upcoming bus schedules, we knew that we had to depart Las Marias late the next morning so we were desperately hoping that the weather would improve over night allowing us to actually experience Semuc Champey; the main reason anyone travels to this area. Much to our dismay, we woke to continued storms. Feeling quite devastated, we decided that we might as well catch the first ride out to insure that we catch our bus later that day. But, upon speaking with the resort manager we were told that the roads were flooded and there would be no ride. This was quite distressing as our cash was running very low and another night here would leave us without enough money to even reach the nearest bank.

After a bit of sulking, we remembered that we are super hardcore so we packed and waterproofed all our bags and set out to hike the nine uphill kilometers back to Lanquin — with instructions to send vehicles to pick up all the other traveler’s hoping to leave as well. The rain let up a bit as we progressed and it was actually quite a pleasant hike with awesome scenery. About half way along we encountered some trucks heading the other way but they assured us that they would pick us up on their return trip. So we made it to Lanquin with plenty of time to bus to Cahabón where we needed to catch the one daily bus which leaves for El Estor.

Now if you ever find yourself in Lanquin, which is half way between Cobán and Cahabón, be very careful when trying to catch a bus to either of these locations. As the buses pass through town, the driver’s assistant leans out the door and calls out the name of the next destination. But each location has a shortened nickname for ease of calling and in this case both Cobán and Cahabón come out sounding a bit like “boon” but with a sort of whistling tone to it. So even after attempting to confirm where we were going, we found ourselves heading out of town in the wrong direction. And after relaying this to the driver, he assured us that if we wanted to goto El Estor we should in fact go to Cobán and take the seven-hour chicken bus that evening. That was not what we intended to do. So despite everyone’s disagreement, we got off and waited for the bus heading back to Lanquin and on to Cahabón.

Upon arrival we found that the bus schedules had changed in the last year and what once left at 1 pm now departed at 4 am each day. Although a slight discouragement, we were more than happy to spend a day in this tiny little village.

Purple Line on the Progress Map

Next: Cahabón to El Estor

Having decided that this trip would happen without my pack, the next goal was to purchase some clothes. In a town like Cobán this isn’t quite as simple as heading over to the nearest Kohl’s, but it can be a whole lot cheaper. Throughout most of the country, the most common locale for shopping of all kinds is the street market. You can find just about anything you want — not necessarily at the level of quality desired — and a whole lot of stuff you absolutely don’t want. Food is extremely fresh, having generally been harvested/prepared in the last 24 hours. Many items are so fresh that they are still quite alive. Bags and baskets of live chickens or turkeys are carried around like produce.

But I just needed some basics. After a much needed stop at the bank to get some quetzales (local money), we set out first looking for footwear; my flip-flops certainly wouldn’t suffice for the upcoming hikes. I was pretty excited to find huge selections of new tennis shoes at about $8…until I tried on a pair. You know those terrible plastic frisbees that are generally used to promote company logos; the kind that just flips over when you throw it? These shoes were the footwear equivalent. But, I picked a pair and decided they would have to do. I also found some surprisingly excellent moisture-wicking socks, a Puma (apparently only producer of sporting apparel in Guatemala) jersey-ish shirt, a tooth brush, deodorant and some underwear. In total: $13.

Buying underwear was a bit of a gamble as the market offered expensive boxers or really cheap briefs. Now I haven’t worn briefs in nearly ten years but without the ability to try things on, I didn’t want to risk picking up some terribly fitting boxers. So I figured I would go with a three pack of gaudy briefs and searched around for my size. Returning to the hotel to change, I promptly realized that there is a bit of a discrepancy in how sizes are measured down there. Pulling on a pair I found that size 30 is intended for someone with far less than a 30 inch waist. Furthermore, while I hesitate to use the word “bikini”, these briefs didn’t really offer a lot of coverage. Luckily the shopkeep was willing to swap straight-up for a larger size which I found a little more accommodating while still a bit on the skimpy side.
With supplies taken care of we sat down at Santa Arita for my first traditional Guatemalan breakfast: terrible coffee, scrambled eggs, a scoop of black beans, a bit of cream and a pile of tortillas. It’s sort of satisfying but by the fourth or fifth breakfast, the blandness starts to get to you.

We checked out of the hotel and found the local MicroBus (the kind of buses hotels use to shuttle customers to airports) terminal (a drive way in the middle of the market) and bought a ride to Lanquin. The bus was packed until people were forced to put their heads through windows. Just as we were heading out of town, we drove by a naked guy walking casually down the street. Aside from myself and one other American on the bus, no one seemed to take notice.

A couple of hours later we arrived in Lanquin and, joining the other young American tourists on the bus, grabbed a ride in the back of a pick up truck to Las Marias, a small hotel on the Cahabón River. This ride on an unimproved road was a welcome little adventure. We were encouraged to remain standing in the back in order to enjoy the view as the truck bounced along the tightly winding curves. The scenery was pretty intense and before too long we were running right alongside the river.

Green Line on Progress Map

Next: Semuc Champey to Cahabón

Anna and I planned to meet at a little hostel known as La Casa Amarillo (The Yellow House) and as I walked in the door, sure enough, she heard my voice and came running out to greet me. After three weeks apart and a full 24 hours of travel it was a very welcome reunion.

As this hotel was at the only address I knew in all of Guatemala, I had told the airline to deliver my bag there when it arrived. Since only one flight comes from LAX each day, we chose to stay the night. Having checked in, we were invited to enjoy the complimentary breakfast spread. Although not truly representative of typical Guatemalan cuisine, the mix of very fresh fruits and sweet breads were excellent. Coffee however, left a little something to be desired. While the country produces a great deal of coffee, their economy practically insists that every bean gets exported. At least nine times out of ten, the coffee served down there is instant…and weak…and the “milk” comes from a powder as well.

Unfortunately I was instructed by United to remain at the address I provided as I would have to be present to sign for my bag if it showed up. I was also informed that my bag might come on another airline so it could arrive at any time. So basically I was supposed to spend my first day sitting in the tiny hotel.

We took our chances and walked around town a bit but the weather was cool and wet so we found ourselves back at the hotel soon anyway. While on the town we tried a number of times to call the airline and check if my bag had arrived and in the event that it had not, to ask them to just hold the bag there until we could pick it up. Pretty much everyone in the country has a cell phone now and they’re super cheap but when it comes to landlines, the infrastructure just isn’t up to par. Trying one number after another and paying for every call, I could only come up with a message, in Spanish, saying that the number was not in service. Not having my bag was disappointing but not being able to do anything about it went way beyond aggravating.

That evening we found a little restaurant offering a spaghetti dinner special. For less than $3 we had our choice of a wide variety of sauces and a mojito to wash it all down.

The following morning, after a tremendous Sunday brunch at the hotel, we tried yet again to contact the airline and check on my bag and again had no luck. The plan for the day was to head to Cobán which meant passing through Guate anyway so we decided to just stop at the airport and take care of it in person…and hopefully walk away with my pack.

We grabbed a chicken bus — the informal term for the public transit buses, pretty much all of which are retired U.S. school buses, by far the cheapest way to travel — and set out for the capitol city. To get an idea of the situation on these buses, consider that generally each seat which was originally intended for two children, is packed until it eventually contains three or four adults. Also consider that children basically don’t count so if a woman is traveling with three children there can be four adults on a two-child-bench as well as three children sitting/standing on the woman’s lap. And the whole idea of keeping the isle free as a safety precaution would only be met with laughter if it were ever suggested to the bus driver or money-taking assistant. Eventually a bus with a posted maximum capacity of 40-50 persons will easily contain 100+ passengers.

After navigating the Guate street markets in the rain and catching another bus to the airport we found that United is only open from 4 am until 11 am each day. It was already well past noon. We were eventually able to coerce a representative from another airline to check the baggage manifest and found that my bag had not arrived. Not wanting to stay in the city we basically just gave up on the pack and decided to head for Cobán. In addition to money and travel documents, I had my flip-flops, one pair of pants, one t-shirt, one sweatshirt, one pair of boxers, a camera, sunglasses and a sack of juggling balls.

Still having no way of cashing traveler’s cheques we luckily found a hotel that would exchange some dollars. Thus we were able to buy some modest snacks and two tickets to Cobán on what is referred to as a first class bus. Basically this means that you get to reserve a seat and, in theory, the bus doesn’t stop every five minutes to pick up more passengers. The sun set a short while before we reached Cobán and we checked into a cozy little dorm-style hostel called San Juan Acala. It hadn’t been the greatest of days but the little cakes we bought for the bus ride were quite tasty.

Blue Line on the Progress Map

At this point you may be asking, “Where are all the pictures?” Don’t worry, they are coming. It was rainy and gray thus far and my focus was on getting my pack so the camera didn’t even come out of it’s case until we reached Cobán.

Next: Cobán to Semuc Champey

Now I’ve never been a bus rider. I always lived within a couple minutes walking distance from any school I’ve attended and for other purposes, my own car has offered too much convenience to pass up. But when it costs $3 to get to the airport — compared to $300+ for driving and leaving a car or ~$25 to bribe a friend — there really is no question about it; the bus is the way to go. And in retrospect the culture shock of the ride was probably a good warm up for the remainder of the trip. There should be signs on the buses — along with the ones about not smoking and not stepping over the yellow line — that say, “Other riders do not necessarily want to hear what you have to say.” And maybe, “Riders are required to brush their teeth at least once per day.”

One especially odorous individual was kind enough to give me a “diamond ring” because he “probably wouldn’t be able to pawn it.” After declining to pay him a few dollars he still insisted that I keep it. If anyone would like a cheap engagement ring I’m looking for $10, OBO.

SeaTac was pretty dead and check in went smoothly. I handed my pack over to United with an undue sense of security and headed to the gate to pass a couple of hours before takeoff.

And those couple hours passed faster than any airport-hours I’ve known. In my carry-on day pack I had my sack of juggling balls and couldn’t think of a better way to consume the time. As I was just getting warmed up in a fairly empty corner of the terminal, a few travelers began to take notice. And shortly thereafter, a few airport employees were sitting down, spending their entire breaks watching me. Minutes after the first not-so-shy individual asked if they could try, I found myself teaching a little intro-to-juggling class. Cameras came out and families gathered ’round. It was easily one of the many highlights of the trip.

After a quick flight and a short layover at LAX I was leaving the country and enduring the latest cinematic entry in the Harry Potter series. It was okay but as I’ve said before, “I just don’t get fantasy.”

Arriving in Guatemala City (locally referred to as Guatemala or often just Guate) I passed through immigration (handed over a piece of paper without anyone looking at it) and found myself growing frustrated as everyone but me found their bags and left.

I reported my missing bag and regretted the decision to wear flip-flops and pack shoes. Leaving the terminal I was greeted by hundreds of local families. Apparently when a Guatemalan flies back home everyone he knows comes to greet him, arriving hours early for yet unknown reasons.

Using my very weak grasp on the Spanish language which had not been practiced in six years, I grabbed a cab and headed for the city of Antigua where Anna and I planned to rendezvous.

Red Line on the Progress Map

Next: Antigua to Cobán

In my limited experience I’ve used a variety of corrosive products designed for this task and usually they are sprayed on and left for awhile to do a majority of the work for you. But even these products require a fair amount of follow up scrubbing.

Finding myself without any sort of bathroom cleaner on hand I was getting nowhere at all just trying to scrub with water. So naturally I went and grabbed my big can of white gas. I use this gas to clean bike and unicycle parts and it works wonders. It also serves as an ideal fuel for juggling torches.

Dipping a cloth in the gas, I returned to the tub and found that a light wipe left the basin spotless. Not only does the gas make for super quick and easy cleaning but it’s way cheaper than any common bathroom cleaner.

Environmental and safety notes: Plug the drain before doing this and soak up the gas and scum with paper towels rather than rinsing it down the drain. Also ensure good ventilation of the bathroom and do not smoke while doing this. The gas isn’t going to explode on you or anything but generally any fire in the bathroom is undesirable.

Moments ago I sent a letter off to Subaru. I’ve been a Subaru owner for over five years now and have been entirely satisfied with every aspect of the vehicle’s performance save for one.

When I bought the car five years ago I was a very different person. When I began shopping for a car I wanted something that would last; something that I would enjoy driving; something that I would take pride in driving. When I read that the car I wanted had a fuel economy that was by no means impressive, I figured that it wouldn’t be a big deal. Gasoline wasn’t that expensive at the time.

Things have changed in five years. I took a trip touring most of the western states this past March visiting eight national parks over a period of fifteen days. Despite all the amazing experiences I had, the only part that really cost any significant amount of money was also the least enjoyable part of the trip; driving the many miles from park to park. In fact, it made up over 75% of the total cost. I used to like driving a lot more, but at about $10/hour, the enjoyment has been outweighed.

Now I’m not blaming Subaru for gasoline prices. And I’m not really complaining about the car they sold me. It’s not like there weren’t other options available. But, if I were to buy a new car today, it would not be a Subaru.

I’m distraught and even embarrassed when I hear that my friend drives a Nissan Sentra which gets double the fuel efficiency of my car. I almost feel cheated, knowing that his Sentra is a 1987. Sure my car performs better and has a bit more weight to haul around but consider the technological advancements that occurred between the years 1987 and 2002. Even if those in the field of fuel efficiency were not that significant, I would hope that modern vehicles could at least achieve comparable mileages to those of twenty years ago.

Two things pushed me over the edge and left me needing to contact Subaru about my grievances. The first is that upon viewing Subaru’s advertisements, it is clear that they are targeting outdoor-enthusiasts. The vehicles in ads are always packed with sporting gear and the driver’s are rarely seen in business attire, rather they are decked out in the latest technical wear. Without citing reference, I can confidently claim that outdoor-enthusiasts generally have a greater appreciation for their environment as it is a crucial aspect in their recreation. So it’s baffling that Subaru does not make a point of developing vehicles which reduce the negative impact resulting from their use.

The second straw which crushed the camel’s kidneys and liver (it’s back was already broken by the above straw) arose when I checked, hours ago, to see if this year’s version of my car showed any improvement in fuel efficiency. When I found the specs I had to go back and confirm those of my car. I cannot begin to imagine why, but not only has the newer model failed to improve its efficiency; it’s actually decreased by about eight percent.

I closed my letter to Subaru with a number of questions regarding what plans, if any, are in place to make improvements in their product’s fuel efficiency. I am quite eager to hear back and then, most likely, write another letter.

Next up is a letter to my soon-to-be past-employer, the Red Lion Hotel, confronting their complete disregard for recycling. You can’t imagine how much glass, aluminum, tin and plastic a hotel and restaurant run through; and at the Red Lion no recycle bins are even available for the employees who would be more than happy to separate these items.

The movie started out kind of rough with far too many fraction-of-a-second clips of things that are not going so well with our planet’s environment. Side-note: One of these scenes was a super close-up shot of a knife going through what appeared to be a large portion of beef. Say what you will about the beef industry and consumption of meat but don’t expect the world to turn vegetarian. Anyway, on top of those rapid clips was a series of commentaries by authorities of various fields. Too much of this makes it hard to retain interest, especially when it’s a bunch of people explaining all the bad things that humans, and more specifically Americans, are doing to the environment.

But, just when I was getting worried that this movie was going to be a big downer — in my opinion, a terrible way of reaching people — it pulled a sharp u-turn and did exactly what I had originally hoped for. Side-note again: I don’t claim to be among the first to discover a truth about environmentalism but I do feel that I’m among the minority in having accepted said truth. That is that despite all the catch phrases such as, “Save the <insert animal or ecosystem>”, or, “Save the Planet”, the true intent of environmentalism, save for a few angry extremists, is the chauvinistic goal of saving our own species. Despite all our technological advancement, we couldn’t “kill” the Earth if we tried. We could wipe out a majority of species, including our own, with a world wide detonation of all nuclear weapons but as for the Earth and organic life, everything would recover in a mere moment on a planetary time scale. That said, the movie started addressing the truths about why we should want to make changes in how we are affecting our environment. And I believe the film’s greatest strength was in it’s promotion of readily available technologies that can be utilized to greatly improve our future while having little or no negative effect, and in many cases a positive effect, upon our current life styles.

7 out of 10 for general quality as a movie.

9 out of 10 for making an effort to improve my future.

One thing I’d like to mention: I’ve heard this fact before but near the end of the movie someone said that 99.9999% of all species of life that have ever existed on Earth are now extinct. While humans are not “special” in the way that big religion would like us to think, we are unique in that we have the ability to foresee and alter certain factors which may lead to our extinction. If we want to beat the astronomical odds favoring our extinction, it seems to me that we ought to be making the most of every advantage we have. And maybe a good start would be teaching current and future generations that extinction in the ascertainable future is not only plausible, but is in fact, probable.

• Instead of costing money for special meals, counselors, exercise equipment, etc., my system actually saves you money on your home energy bills.
• My system requires very little will power.
• My system dictates no alteration in diet.
• My system dictates no increase in exercise.

I want to preface the remaining explanation by saying that I just came back from seeing The 11th Hour. I had developed this concept a while back but the movie just reminded me of it. I will undoubtedly write a separate post about the movie shortly.

Before I reveal the secret of my program let’s consider a few irrefutable truths.

• Despite how complex the diet industry would have you believe, body mass is directly related to a simple idea often communicated as you are what you eat. Consider the literal basis for this. Our bodies are powered by the resources we ingest, measured in calories.
• A healthy body is very good at maintaining a core body temperature generally in the area of 98.6 degrees.
• The human body is composed primarily of liquid water.
• Keeping the water of the body (as well as the rest of the materials) at a relatively constant temperature involves metabolization of a calculable number of calories.
• Calories escaping the body by means of heat dissipation are calories that are not stored in fat cells; a process which leads to growth of more fat cells.
• As heat escapes, the body must metabolize more calories in order to maintain core temperature.
• The colder the air surrounding a body, the faster the body will dissipate heat.
• Heating the air in your home costs money.

You’ve probably figured out my concept by now. If all other things remain constant (diet, exercise) lowering the average temperature of your living environment must force your body to “burn” more calories. Now I can’t say how significant of an effect this would be. It would vary on a person to person basis, factoring in body mass, body-surface-area, body shape, fat distribution, etc. But given the above set of facts, it must be true to at least some degree. I’m not encouraging a total abandoning of home-heating, rather I’m only pointing out an undisclosed benefit/cost of setting your thermostat at a certain temperature. In theory, cold foods (ice cream) should have the same effect.

Why fight millions of years of evolution which have left out bodies craving and enjoying caloric food when instead you could simply push that little down arrow once or twice and have a turtle sundae?

Edit: A thought just occurred to me. If you allow your home to get cold enough, the self-preservation mechanism of shivering will eventually kick in causing a more rapid heating of the body which will consume even more calories. I do not recommend taking the program to this extreme.

Second Edit: Another thought: As my weight control program begins to have an effect, the body will reduce it’s percentage of body fat. Body fat acts as an insulator from heat loss and likewise acts as an inhibitor for my program. Therefore, although initial results will be minimal, any progress in fat reduction will speed up future progress making this a naturally accelerative program.

I would have liked to have found a higher vantage point as only about one third of the markers are visible in this picture. The view from the capitol building would have done nicely but that wasn’t on my route. It’s also hard to discern that each denominationally-shaped marker is labeled with the name, hometown and date of death of a U.S. victim of the war. As this is Olympia, this memorial is almost certainly intended as more of a protest than a tribute but conveys both intentions quite well.

Although all footage was captured today, this compilation basically sums up the last six months of work on juggling five clubs, including the recent break through. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I got home that I realized that the sun was in one of the angles. But, I got over it and you’ll have to too. To view in larger size (recommended) click here.

If you don’t like the music, give one of the other two options a try. Or, watch all three and let me know which you like best.

Five Club Parappin

Five Club Heart

Another factor adding to the enjoyment of last night was the many club attendees who seemed to recognize my sudden leap forward and were very complimentary and flattering. I must have gotten at least ten “you should perform” type comments. And I felt especially appreciated when the club organizers informed me that it is quite probable that they could receive funding to provide me with reimbursement for mileage and travel time as well as a small wage to drive up and attend the club as an “instructor” after I move to Portland. Now I really have no intention of taking them up on this offer considering the amount of driving it would entail, but it was great to hear it all the same.

On a related note, I encourage everyone to take up juggling and work at it until you can run five clubs. It’s so exhilarating!

Is it really that hard to come up with a term which is not literally and connatatively biased? How about “humanism”? Nope, that’s already taken. Maybe “equalism”? Doesn’t really have a solid ring to it but does that really matter? I wouldn’t mind labeling myself as an equalist.

And while I’m on the subject, how about we do away with the rest of the anti-discrimination organizations which are inherently discriminatory? What I’m going to say next is certainly politically incorrect but if you’re unwilling to consider anything thats not “PC” I’m probably not worried about your opinion anyway. Let’s use an example of an organization that everyone knows; the NAACP. Their mission statement is clearly directed towards the equality of all people rather than the advancement of colored people as their title infers. Now I can’t say this for sure but it would be my educated guess that the NAACP generally puts most of their effort into ensuring equal rights specifically for African Americans. There is nothing ethically wrong with this but why should a group pursuant of equality have a focus population? In order to signify a select group that an organization intends to assist, differences must be recognized and defined. Again, I’m not sure how the NAACP goes about defining “colored people” but I’d be willing to bet that they do so by some means. A common defense of this tact is to argue that the goal is not to ignore differences but rather understand and accept them. But, let’s look at this idea a bit. Continuing with the above example, let’s say that an African American and a white American (seems that the term Caucasian has gone out of style) are competing for the same job as an office assistant. These two individuals have at least some minor biological differences (this statement would apply to any two people, save for identical twins) but a job such as this in no way requires a specific physical trait that is not common among all humans. As such, taking the biological difference into account is decidedly wrong. Further, treating the two individuals differently in any way because of their biological difference could be construed as racism. But why should the employer be expected to recognize and accept that there is a difference between these two people that is based upon their “race” yet not allow this acceptance to influence his actions in anyway? Either there is a relevant difference or there isn’t. In this case, there isn’t. And my argument is that in cases regarding rights, there is never a relevant difference based upon race since the concept of race is arbitrarily defined. So why not do away with organizations whose existence implies that certain groups of people, although inherently equal, require extra assistance in assuring their equality.

So how about a step in the more general direction? The ACLU does what it can to ensure the constitutional rights of all Americans, regardless of any further categorization. That seems pretty good to me. Maybe in the distant future they could drop the “A” and become a global organization but I can see how that would complicate things.

There was a South Park episode about this and it made a very good point. Discrimination is the human condition. If I don’t get a long with you, I will act differently towards you than I would towards a friend. But discrimination based upon generalization is learned and too often, taught. Generalizing about groups of people, even in an attempt to ensure equal rights, only propagates the idea that generalizing is a valid and acceptable means of determining a person’s merit.

Although clearly a comedy, the film does explicitly close with a political message. And I’m sure you can extrapolate what that message is given only the knowledge that the Blood Car is a car that is fueled by human blood. There is also an excellent portrayal of the often ignored role that humans’ inherent sexual nature plays in the government of everyone’s lives, including those of world leaders.

If I only get to recommend one independent film this year, this is it. But I get to recommend as many as I want so there will be more to come. But seriously, there are a couple of scenes which alone justify the ~$8 and two-hour commitment. I also recommend having a couple of drinks prior to, or along with the movie because it is that kind of funny. To be more specific: if you are one to be offended by fictional yet meaningful representation of cruelty towards puppies, murder of children and elderly and/or disabled persons, or reasonably tame sexual encounters, you might need that light buzz to take the edge off of it all.

9 out of 10.

When I’m solving my hands do move pretty fast and this adds to the perception of skill/talent but in actuality it’s just a demonstration of muscle memory. What adds even further excitement is that in the final stages of the method I use, the cube continually appears more and more solved until just before the end when it looks, to the inexperienced viewer, as if the cube is very scrambled. And then suddenly with just a couple of moves, it’s done.

Now I was pretty happy with myself when I obtained the ability to solve the cube on every try and with a good pace. But what I’ve learned since is that my abilities still lie in the category of “beginner cubist”. The solve method I use is limited in potential speed because it almost literally solves the cube one piece at a time and requires, on average, about 100 moves. To see any significant increase in speed I would have to adopt one of the many techniques that fall into the category of “speed solving”.

It may or may not surprise you to hear that there is no short supply of mathematical analysis performed on the basis of the cube. As a simplistic geometric object with a finite number of possible arrangements and a relatively small set of permutations which can be performed on those arrangements, the cube does lend itself well to study.

Such study has produced methods which place an upper bound on the number of moves required to solve a cube from any state. That upper bound has been proven to go as low as 26. It is methods like these that allow for truly fast solving of the cube. But considering that there are technically 21 pieces to the cube, and placing any one piece generally requires more than one move, it is implied that these advanced methods involve placing a number of pieces simultaneously. And the complexity of doing so not only involves memorization/deep-understanding of an unfathomably long list of algorithms, but also requires an ability to quickly evaluate the state of the cube in order to determine the proper algorithm to choose. And for a fast time, all of this needs to happen while the cube is in flux.

So by now I’m sure you’re thinking that I’m a huge nerd. I won’t bother arguing. But, I do know that my nerdiness does not even encroach on that of the real speed-cubists out there. Numerous records to emphasize my point:

• Fastest solve in competition (yes, competition): 9.86 seconds
• Fastest blindfolded solve time: 54.83 seconds — You may be wondering how someone can solve the cube without seeing it. Well, they can’t. But the way this works is the cubist can look at the cube all they want without moving the pieces but then must actually solve it blind. The above time includes the time spent memorizing. Consider the memory and spacial intelligence required.
• Fastest one-handed solve: 16.36 seconds – An impressive time regardless of number of hands but with one hand this is an amazing performance of dexterity and coordination as well.
• Fastest solve using only feet: 51.13 seconds
• And the most horrifying record of all — Most cubes solved in a 24 hour period: 3,390. Some guy apparently sat around for 24 hours straight solving cube after cube at an average pace of more than two per minute. I can’t comprehend how this would be physically or mentally feasible.

As requested, I’ve added a video clip of myself solving the cube. It was a pretty average speed (about two minutes) but I’ve sped up the clip for the impatient viewer. One warning: the music gets fairly obnoxious at higher speeds.

I juggled a lot. I attended a variety of workshops. I unicycled a bit. Juggled some more. Attended two tremendous juggling-and-miscellaneous shows. Visited with Jennie, Anil and Kylie. Juggled even more. Didn’t win anything in the drawing. Drove home.

As seems to be the case with most juggling festivals, in addition to loads of inspiration I also found a fair amount of discouragement. It seemed that five-club juggling (which I’ve been working on for about eight months now but still have a weak grasp on) is to PJF attendees as one-hand-handstands are to Cirque du Soleil performers; everyone can do it like it’s no big deal. Despite all the juggling progress I’ve made in the last year, I still feel that my skill is surpassed by the average level of ability at this event — given that calculation of average juggling ability would be possible.

One thing I found surprising was the significant impression I made with my rusty trials unicycling skills which I only demonstrated briefly. In the world of trials unicycling I am at best intermediately accomplished and I’m surprised that all of these jugglers haven’t had more exposure to the true experts out there. Just about every trials unicyclist seems to put their videos online.

As unicycling was apparently my area of relative expertise, I was really looking forward to the mountain unicycling group ride that was scheduled for Sunday but much to my dismay, it got rained out.

Overall it was certainly a good time and I’ve come away with more than enough material to keep me busy until whatever festival comes next. It’s also exciting to know that my future juggling club will have plenty of members who will always be able to teach me something new; a feature that has been lacking at the Evergreen College club.

This time next year I should be one of those people that can juggle five clubs with ease but as is the way with juggling, I’ll likely be aggravated by the fact that everyone else will have gotten better too.

This first is of the uppermost section of Tumwater Falls.

The salmon are very actively running right now but it takes a fast camera and a faster reaction-time to catch one mid-air. I got lucky and caught the literal tail-end of this one.

I tried on numerous occasions to get pictures of spiders with my old camera but it just wasn’t able to focus quite right. My new camera is much better.

A river packed with salmon:

A nice variety of greenery above a little spring-fed waterfall:

One fault of this puzzle would be the static solution. Since the numbers must remain affixed to their original pieces of the cube, the solution would have to be the same every time. This also means that after you solve it one or two times, it would be easy to remember parts of the arrangement such as which corner pieces go where.

So to further the replay-ability of the game I theorized a USB SudoKube where each square on each face has a small LCD screen — a cheap one like you find on a digital watch — which can display a single digit (1-9). A female port could easily be installed on a central square since they are permanently affixed to the core of the cube as well as every other central square. Varying arrangements could then be downloaded from supplying sites and uploaded to the cube. As merely a set of 53 short integers, a tiny amount of internal memory could easily store endless quantities of puzzles (approximately forty puzzles per KB, or to use the layperson’s standard measure of memory: the space required to store one typical mp3 file could store 120,000 puzzle variations) which could be scrolled through or randomly selected with small buttons on the cube. Like digital watches, this cube could run on a tiny battery which would last for years without replacing. One big problem would be installing electronic connections among the LCD screens while maintaining the highly mobile mechanics of a Rubik’s Cube.

When I got home, my excitement for this product was cut short when I found that someone has already produced and begun selling the Sudoku Cube. However, the currently available version only allows for a solve such that each face is solved in itself but has no relation to the other faces. Reviews of the product point out the easy re-solve-ability that I postulated above so my improved version may still have some worth.

Now I just need the plastics molding tools, technical electronic knowledge and motivation to create a prototype. If you have read this and think it’s a great idea which you plan to steal, shame on you. At least give me a percentage of the revenue.

Not only that, but I would argue that we are better off without a microwave. Sure there are occasions where a little something needs heating and it would be quick and easy to nuke it (what a ridiculous figure of speech). But when forced to heat things on the stove or in a toaster oven, they just generally turn out better. In turn, we have better meals which add more enjoyment to our lives at least three times each day.

Attempting to get by without the Internet would impose many inconveniences, but maybe overall quality of life would be better.

…but probably not.

So you may be asking what we’ve actually done to begin the process. In short, we’ve found that craigslist is amazing. We have a couple major items that we don’t want to bring with us but that are in too good of shape to consider trashing so we thought we would try to sell them. Both the bed and the picnic table were claimed in less than an hour. Anna has no idea how much her bed cost originally as it was a gift from her parents but I managed to get a 300% return on my picnic table which I bought last summer for $5.

About a week ago I also sold my Trials BC Wheel — a sort of unicycle that takes way too much determination to master and provides far too little payoff — at 75% of my original cost. Not a bad deal considering it had sat in my closet for the last fourteen months.

Selling stuff is fun.

From left to right: Bryce, Jaime, girl-whose-name-I-never-got, Brian, Leah, Emily, Nicole, Audra, another-forgotten-name, Muffin, Clay, Oz and Nick. And behind them all, Clifford the Big Red Van. One will never find a method of travel slower than piling into a thirty year old van with fourteen hippies. Additionally, one could never find a better means of learning that “hippy” has to be a transitional stage followed either by death or reality. Although I’m happy to leave lifestyle choices up to each individual, I was a bit embarrassed showing up to this festival with a group that for the most part didn’t bring enough money to pay for the ferry ride let alone the amazing meals provided each day. Many of this crew preach about the downfalls of society on a day to day basis but when it comes down to their own impact, they cheat, steal, break the law and religiously pass the buck onto those who are actually doing something to better the world.

Edit [Bryce, our chauffeur, came across this post and provided some protesting feedback regarding my failure to indicate that he did not fall into the above described group of moochers. His protest is very valid and I must say in his further defense that he did an excellent job of dealing with such a huge group; successfully getting us to the festival and back. I hope, but somehow doubt, that everyone else showed at least some appreciation by pitching in a few dollars for Bryce's troubles. I think in total I gave him $15 which is a hell of a deal for me and had it been just the two of us, that would have been extremely unfair. But if all thirteen other passengers had pitched in equally, Bryce probably would have come out ahead.]

But enough negativity. This weekend easily provided enough enjoyment to make any annoyances tolerable.

Despite meeting downtown at 10 AM on Friday, we didn’t make it to the festival until well after dark, so there wasn’t a whole lot happening as far as juggling and most people were just hanging out around the bonfire. We all registered, signed up for community service and made camp. When I woke up in the morning for breakfast duty I immediately had to grab my camera and start shooting. The festival takes place on a small farm overlooking Hummel Lake and has an amazing variety and abundance of fresh produce and flowers growing everywhere. A vast majority of the food served throughout the weekend was harvested and prepared only a couple hours before each meal. Breakfasts were oatmeal but with an amazing spread of fruit and nut toppings, as well as peach-blueberry crumble coffee cake and morning glory muffins. Lunches entailed vegetable medley soups, burritos, wood-oven breads, and loads of melons. All day long there were baskets of apples and pears sitting just beside the trees from which they had been picked moments earlier.

One would expect that pictures taken at a juggling festival would depict various impressive feats but my garden pictures turned out better so I’m sharing more of those instead.

Cabbage.

Lettuces.

Cider Apples.

The apple press which provided an endless supply of cider each day.

This man is the owner of the farm but unfortunately I never got his name. He found great pleasure (evidently) in sharing his cherry tomatoes with me. They were delicious.

I saw four coolers sitting at the edge of the yard and thinking they might contain some frosty brews I went to investigate. Much to my surprise and slight disappointment I found they were all full of salmon which I later heard were caught the previous day just off the island.

Midday Saturday, a marimba band showed up and played for hours on end. Good music makes juggling so much more fun but live, good music makes juggling an unbeatable experience.

All levels of juggling ability were present; from never-tried to accomplished performer. A small number of attendees easily stood out above the rest and provided endless entertainment. Yes, they are juggling nine clubs in this picture.

Saturday night is when the event peaks with a salmon feast followed by an informal show. Many non-juggling Lopezians are invited to the evening festivities so suddenly there were well over 100 people eagerly awaiting the meal. While the salmon sat marinating, chefs went to work on the rest of the meal.

One crew was strictly in charge of tending the fire which was built up to a massive size in preparations for the salmon.

Packed full of salmon fillets, rack after rack was stacked into a very clever and efficient cooking system. I’m generally not a big seafood eater but I made an exception for this meal and had no regrets. Along side the baked potatoes, fresh breads, orchid-packed salad and yet more melons, the fish made for a tremendous meal.

Some more juggling was squeezed into the remaining daylight and live music from guitars, ukuleles, drums and even an accordion provided the accompaniment.

Just before dark, two massive cakes emerged from the kitchen along with five flavors of ice cream, all of which were made with ingredients from the farm.

Random flower photo.

When darkness finally set, the juggling picked up again as people pulled out their various glowing toys.

Shortly thereafter, the show began and featured a few professional performers as well as some improv song and dance skits done by the youngest attendees. A highlight was the Juggling Jollies hailing from Bellingham, WA who combine extremely difficult feats with fun and casual comedy.

After the show, attention returned again to the bonfire where a drum circle continually grew larger and louder.

The final event of the night was the traditional fire show in which many of the long-time-regulars perform with a variety of flaming toys while entirely nude. Below is a video clip which ends with some of this show. But don’t get nervous, the lighting and the low video-quality make it quite tasteful.